Zingers: Sports

by on 16/07/14 at 5:59 am

Cowboy cheers are always great to look at!

Cowboy cheers are always great to look at!

(satireworld.com)
Off and on, for about six years, I wrote “snippets” for a different humor website. These were also easy one or two line jokes with a simple set up, followed by a punch line. Some people call these zingers or and others call them different names.

I have been gathering them together and trying to group them by subject. Here are the ones on sports (look for more collections soon on entertainment, business, and other categories and see my previously posted collection on politics).

As you can see, I am an equal opportunity insulter, covering a wide range of sports (football, baseball, basketball, the Olympics, etc). I am, however, a life long Dallas Cowboy fan, so their ineptitude tends to incur my wrath quite often. I also take several pot shots at such famous egos as Brett Favre and Tiger Woods.

If you enjoy these, fine. If you are insulted by some of these, great! Remember that all humor doesn’t work for all people (and that some jokes never work at all).

The Dallas Cowboys

Wade Phillips, another of the father/son coaching legacy, takes over as head coach of NFL’s Cowboys. Dallas team now called the “Son of a Bum’s boys.”

NFL celebrates Hispanic Heritage Month during Monday Night Football game. The home team Dallas Cowboys respond with “Remember the Alamo!”

In Shocking Development, Dallas Cowboys Sign Player Without a Criminal Record. Owner Jerry Jones announces that he’ll sign Michael Vick and Ray Lewis and hire O.J as a consultant to make up for it.

Dallas Cowboys Open New Stadium In Traditional Fashion. Their first play, an 85 yard kickoff return, was wiped out by a penalty and their first series was a “three and out.”

Romo Says Critics Are Not Affecting His Performance. “I’ll suck on Sundays regardless of what people think of me.”

Tony Romo pleases Dallas Fans by not throwing any interceptions Sunday. Of course, it was the Cowboys bye week, but you never know with Romo.

Dallas Cowboys have potential for division championship, first round bye, and winning December record; No need to worry as they will blow it like usual.

Dallas Cowboys Actually Make the Playoffs! Don’t worry, they’ll lose next week.

Dallas Cowboys Make the Playoffs! Philadelphia Eagles hire Jessica Simpson to be at the stadium in a Romo jersey next week.

Dallas Cowboys May Terminate Head Coach If They Lose Playoff Game. If it happens, Jerry Jones will still be the man who has fired every coach that the Dallas Cowboys have ever had.

Dallas Cowboys Win First Playoff Game Since 1996. Jerry Jones tears up Wade Phillips’ termination papers and uses them for confetti.

Indy Colts Invite Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders To Be On Their Super Bowl Sidelines. “We both wear blue and white, and what’s football without the Cowboy Cheerleaders?”

Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders Held Up By TSA Agents While Boarding Flight. Each girl got personally checked to make sure her panties were not a bomb.

Former Dallas Cowboy Accused of Rape and Sued For A Million Dollars. Hey dumb ass, sue a guy who’s still playing, not an old git who can’t get it up anymore, has no job, and supposedly did this three years ago.

Tiger Woods

Tiger Woods Wins Golf Tournament. Duh! Like you think someone else would?

Police explain reasons behind Tiger Wood’s auto accident. It seems like every time that Tiger drives about 500 yards, he has to stop everything and watch his balls. When that happened, he lost control and crashed.

Tiger Woods Says He’s Sorry for Cheating On Wife. “I’d like to apologize to my family…and all of my illegitimate kids everywhere.”

Law enforcement officers assign CSI: Miami to take over Tiger Woods’ accident investigation. Horatio Cain wants to make sure all photographs of him are from his good side.

CSI: Miami uncovers evidence in Tiger Woods case. Vaginal fluid traces on golf clubs prove Tiger’s putter isn’t the only thing touching his balls.

Elin Nordegren Woods to publish new book: 101 Household Chores You Can Do With Your Husband’s Golf Clubs.

Elin Nordegren Woods contemplating punishment if she catches husband cheating again. She can’t decide between using the song “I’ve got a Tiger by the tail” or the ad campaign “Put a Tiger in your tank.”

Tiger Woods Gets Special Award At People’s Choice Awards: Best Performance As A Crash Test Dummy

Will Tiger Woods Return for the British Open? Only if he can keep his pants closed.

John Terry and Tiger Woods Offer Joint Explanation For Multiple Infidelities. “Damn, how could you not want to hit that!”

Tiger Woods Unhappy With Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Cover. “Damn, she’s married!”

The Olympics

China mission to include country’s first space walk. The planned forty minute EVA was choreographed by the man responsible for the Olympic Opening Ceremonies and the IOC has confirmed that all participants are over 16.

More Chinese Infants sick from bad milk. IOC confirms that only three of them were on the Chinese Female Gymnastics Team.

IOC concludes that there were no problems with age of Chinese gymnasts. Announcement made from party on nudist cruise ship in Greek isles sponsored by Chinese government.

Michael Phelps Admits to Failure in Olympics. “I really went there to score some China Gold, but all I got was these stupid medals.”

Michael Phelps Unsure of Participation in 2012 Summer Olympics. “I’d go if they were in Jamaica or Maui, but I really don’t know much about the homegrown in London.”

Michael Phelps Unsure About Participation in 2012 Olympics. “I heard you can get a pretty good Bong from Big Ben, but don’t know if that will be enough to make me go.”

Michael Phelps to Appear in Subway Commercials with Jared Fogle. They go to Subway because the Olympic Gold Medalist got the munchies!

Michael Phelps to Appear in Subway Commercial with Jared Fogle. Will the multi-gold winning Olympic swimmer pass him the bong?

First Controversy At Olympic Winter Games. Former East German Women’s teams upset courtesy bags for athletes didn’t include shaving cream or mustache trimmers.

The World Was Impressed By The Vancouver Winter Olympics Opening Ceremonies ….and no one was called a “hoser.”

The World Was Impressed By The Vancouver Winter Olympics Opening Ceremonies …I didn’t hear “eehhh” one time.

The World Was Impressed By The Vancouver Winter Olympics Opening Ceremonies …but where was Dudley Dooright?

The World Was Impressed By The Vancouver Winter Olympics Opening Ceremonies …even though most people said “Hallelujah” when manish K.D. Lang finished singing.

The World Was Impressed By The Vancouver Winter Olympics Opening Ceremonies …even though the cauldron is resting on a three legged stool.

The World Was Impressed By The Vancouver Winter Olympics Opening Ceremonies …but instead of “Both Sides Now,” shouldn’t we have heard ” Believe I Can Fly” when that boy was soaring over the wheat fields?

The World Was Impressed By The Vancouver Winter Olympics Opening Ceremonies …were the Indians bussed back to the reservations afterwards?

The World Was Impressed By The Vancouver Winter Olympics Opening Ceremonies …I’ll bet the drug testers don’t have to check for marijuana since the Jamaican Bobsled Team isn’t there!

The World Was Impressed By The Vancouver Winter Olympics Opening Ceremonies …but since when was The Riverdance supposed to represent the French Canadians?

The World Was Impressed By The Vancouver Winter Olympics Opening Ceremonies …you could tell it was an international event, since The United States only sent their Vice President.

The World Was Impressed By The Vancouver Winter Olympics Opening Ceremonies …the traditional released doves, however, were understood by visiting Dr. Doolittle to say “shit, it’s cold!”

The World Was Impressed By The Vancouver Winter Olympics Opening Ceremonies …Nancy Kerrigan tells press “It made my whole body tingle, especially my knee.”

The World Was Impressed By The Vancouver Winter Olympics Opening Ceremonies …local Indian tribes say that if they hadn’t been invited to participate, “we would have done a special rain dance to melt off all the snow.”

The World Was Impressed By The Vancouver Winter Olympics Opening Ceremonies …Even though Adam Lambert was the only one turned on by K.D. Lang’s singing.

The World Was Impressed By The Vancouver Winter Olympics Opening Ceremonies …most of the Chinese team missed the ceremonies, however, as it was after their bedtime.

Notes from the Olympic Village: The Chinese team has bought more training pants and acne team than any group from any other nation.

Notes from the Olympic Village: A lot of snow and ice in Vancouver is melting….maybe too many S.I. Swimsuit Issues were imported?

Notes from the Olympic Village: Male lugers must now begin race at the women’s starting point….calling the first part of the race the pussy push-off.

News from the Olympic Village: Local libraries receive requests to send people to read Chinese athletes their bedtime stories.

Notes from the Olympic Village: Canadian pride and enthusiasm for home team is evident when Zamboni driver gets standing ovation.

Notes From The Olympic Village: International Ski Federation wants more minority participants….not for racial diversity, but because it’s easier to spot them on the snow.

Notes From The Olympic Village: American Women upset at curling competition…. “we brought our curling irons, mousse, conditioner, and hair spray, and didn’t need any of it.”

Notes From The Olympic Village: Canadian women’s hockey team that scored eighteen goals said that they didn’t try to run up the score…against the American Men’s soccer team.

The Tragic Failures of Mexico’s Bobsled Teams Explained: “We thought putting a guy in the back who’d eaten frijoles would propel us down the ice faster, but he just gassed out the other riders.”

The Tragic Failures of Mexico’s Bobsled Teams Explained: Next time, don’t make the sled out of adobe.

The Tragic Failures of Mexico’s Bobsled Teams Explained: Having a low-rider sled bounce while going down the ice probably wasn’t a good idea.

The Tragic Failures of Mexico’s Bobsled Teams Explained. Hanging fuzzy dice from the rearview mirror and putting a bobble head Chihuahua in the rear window did not help with wind resistance.

The Tragic Failures of Mexico’s Bobsled Teams Explained: Four words: Lose the boom box. The stereo speakers were not aerodynamic and the judges didn’t like Little Joe Y La Familia.

The Tragic Failures of Mexico’s Bobsled Teams Explained: The lycra speed suits made to look like baggy chinos just didn’t do it for the fashionistas.

The Tragic Failures of Mexico’s Bobsled Teams Explained: They made a mistake when they got to Canada: they drank the water.

The Tragic Failures of Mexico’s Bobsled Teams Explained: In retrospect, maybe the chain steering wheel wasn’t such a good idea.

The Tragic Failures of Mexico’s Bobsled Teams Explained: It was the only sled in competition with La Virgen de Guadalupe painted on one side and The Sacred Heart on the other.

The Tragic Failures of Mexico's Bobsled Teams Explained. There are a lot more scientific waxes for the sled skids than lard from tu madre’s cocina.

Why the Middle Eastern Countries Were Shut Out of the Medal’s Stand at the Winter Olympics: Their Athletes felt awkward because sheep were not allowed in Olympic Village.

Why the Middle Eastern Countries Were Shut Out of the Medal’s Stand at the Winter Olympics: There were no medals for running convenience stores or cheap motels.

Why the Middle Eastern Countries Were Shut Out of the Medal’s Stand at the Winter Olympics: They don’t make robes and burkhas out of lycra.

Why the Middle Eastern Countries Were Shut Out of the Medal’s Stand at the Winter Olympics: The camels didn’t like wearing skis or snowboots.

Why the Middle Eastern Countries Were Shut Out of the Medal’s Stand at the Winter Olympics: Too many were trying to barbeque goat on the Olympic flame.

Why the Middle Eastern Countries Were Shut Out of the Medal’s Stand at the Winter Olympics: The Koran doesn’t mention that snow and ice are cold.

Why the Middle Eastern Countries Were Shut Out of the Medal’s Stand at the Winter Olympics: Sliding down a sand dune on a piece of cardboard is not good preparation for the slalom race.

Why the Middle Eastern Countries Were Shut Out of the Medal’s Stand at the Winter Olympics: No one made it to the second round of “suicide bomber” tryouts.

Why the Middle Eastern Countries Were Shut Out of the Medal’s Stand at the Winter Olympics: The couple that the sent to the pairs figure skating was not married, so they couldn’t touch each other.

Why the Middle Eastern Countries Were Shut Out of the Medal’s Stand at the Winter Olympics: Several athletes on the teams were on the International Do Not Fly lists, so never made it to Vancouver.

Why the Middle Eastern Countries Were Shut Out of the Medal’s Stand at the Winter Olympics: Because the shooters in the Biathlon kept trying to shoot their competitors, and not the targets.

Football

O.J. Simpson finally admits that he was not trying to steal back his own memorabilia. “I was trying to get an autographed pair of Britney’s panties since they are a rare thing now because she doesn’t wear them anymore.”

O.J. Simpson tries proven court tactics to aid his defense in current trial. Judge and Jury not impressed that glove from Nicole’s murder still doesn’t fit.

O.J. Simpson guilty on all counts. Former NFL star to write new book in prison, If I Hadn’t Done This, Here’s What I Would Have Done Instead.

NMSU scores late touchdown to beat UTEP in battle of previously winless teams. Who cares?

Idaho cheerleaders ditch skimpy uniforms. Decide to go ahead and jump around naked, because “we weren’t really wearing that much anyway and this is what everyone really wants to see.”

Las Vegas, NM Football Players Victims of Hazing. After having broomsticks shoved up their rectums by older teammates, they were forced to watch reruns of Will and Grace and Queer Eye for the Straight Guy

5 of top 10 in NCAA College Football suffer upset losses this week. All undefeated non-BCS conference given “imaginary” losses also, keeping them from moving up in the ratings and spoiling the party

College Football Bowl Games Getting Biggest Television Audiences Ever. Maybe the record unemployment numbers have something to do with it?

New reality show sponsored by Michael Irvin to help average man get tryout with Dallas Cowboys. Average man will probably be overqualified and may have to try out for winless Detroit Lions.

Linebacker Bubba Jones taken by winless Detroit Lions in second round of NFL Draft. “I heared about them draft dodgers in Vietnams so’s I’se gonna go to Canada. They football can’t suck as bad as Detroit football.”

Hapless Detroit Lions select Florida State Cheerleader with third round pick in NFL Draft. Says team president, “Pretty girls with big boobs on the sidelines are going keep the fans more excited than our time on the field.”

Susan Boyle of “Britain’s Got Talent” selected by Detroit Lions in 4th round of NFL Draft. Team President says “If everyone who watched her on You Tube buys tickets to see her sing The National Anthem for every home game, who cares about our on-field performance?”

Winner determined in annual panty ripping, bra stripping Lingerie Bowl. It was the male viewers.

Sport’s Illustrated Swimsuit Model Says “Topless Blondes Have More Fun.” I wonder if she’s ever tried it bottomless?

Quarterback Tim Tebow injured in victory against Kentucky. Without him, Florida projected to win the rest of their games by only 5 touchdowns.

Florida State Vows to Change Schedule Next Year After Recent Loss. “After losing two games to other Florida teams, next year we’re only playing schools outside of the state.”

Titans Owner Bud Adams fined $250,000 for flipping double bird at Buffalo Bills fans. “I wonder how much they’d fine me if they knew how many times I’d flipped off Obama?”

New Orleans Saints start 13-0, finish 0-3. Coach says “we figure we’ve got to lose ten more to get us back to .500.”

Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band to play at Super Bowl. No word yet on opponent, though the New England Patriots are Las Vegas favorites.

Redskins Give Mike Shanahan 5 Year, $35 Million Deal. Considering recent success, that works out to just over $2 million per victory.

Pete Carroll Wants NMSU Head Coach as Defensive Coordinator. He’s got a nine game losing streak here and we had the worst rated offense for yardage and scoring in the NCAA. How much do we have to pay them to take him?” asks NMSU.

Michael Vick Throws Touchdown Pass and Fumbles in Playoff Game. Andy Reid says “I’d put Michael in my doghouse, but we all know what would happen then.”

Jets Coach already planning tickertape parade for their Super Bowl Victory. No idea when it will happen, but 2010 is in serious doubt.

Peyton Manning to Spend Next Two Weeks Preparing For Super Bowl. That’s probably eight less commercials he’ll have time to make.

Budweiser Announces That This Year’s Super Bowl May Not Feature A Clydesdale Commercial. “But the horses are better looking than some of the women they pick to sing the national anthem!”

Venus Williams Says She’ll Watch Super Bowl. Of course, she’s also big and scary enough to play offensive line in the game.

On Sides Kick and Interception Return Were Difference Makers In Super Bowl. The commercials had nothing to do with it.

Joseph Addai was probably MVP for Indy Colts in Super Bowl Loss. When the Colts running back is their best player, you know that pass happy Indianapolis lost the game.

The Who Perform Last Concert At Super Bowl. Starting next week, the aging rockers will become the “Help, I’ve Fallen And I Can’t Get Up.:

Space Shuttle Blast Into Space in Evening Lift Off. Florida partiers thought that it was just more post-Super Bowl fireworks.

Ushers at Super Bowl Say It’s Apparent Alzheimer’s Has Struck The Who. “We should start calling them the question they kept asking, The Who Am I?”

Leno, Letterman, and Oprah Appear On Couch Together In Super Bowl Ad. It was a reverse Oreo.

Reggie Bush a Non-Factor in Saints Super Bowl Victory. That pretty much describes his whole post USC career.

Go Daddy Has Sexiest Super Bowl Commercials Again. Only people attracted to Chelsea Clinton were turned on by the Clydesdales.

Cleveland Browns trade Brady Quinn after cutting Derek Anderson. Apparently, having no quarterback on your team is much better than having these two.

Cleveland Browns trade Brady Quinn after cutting Derek Anderson. If they play all of the time in the “Wildcat,” they’ll have fewer interceptions.

Cleveland Browns trade Brady Quinn after cutting Derek Anderson. Quinn led Notre Dame to their two worst seasons ever. What did Cleveland really expect?

Cleveland Browns trade Brady Quinn after cutting Derek Anderson. Team tries to do a “Brett Favre” and talk Sammy Baugh or Johnny Unitas out of retirement (and death).

Cleveland Browns trade Brady Quinn after cutting Derek Anderson. Now they just need to get rid of the rest of their players.

NFL Bans Vuvuzelas Before Preseason Even Starts. Commissioner says “Our players, like Terrell Owens and Chad Ocho Cinco, already toot their own horn enough.”

NFL Bans Vuvuzelas Before Preseason Even Starts. Jerry Jones and Al Davis to break ranks and have the horns at Cowboy and Raider games.

NFL Bans Vuvuzelas Before Preseason Even Starts. Brett Favre threatens “if anyone sneaks one of those stupid things into a game, I might have to retire again… or unretire… which am I now?”

NFL Bans Vuvuzelas Before Preseason Even Starts. Commissioner says “we’d rather have our fans use the more traditional noise makers, like thunder sticks and canned air horns.”

NFL Bans Vuvuzelas Before Preseason Even Starts. Just because they sports are both named “football” doesn’t mean that the NFL fans are hooligans or as stupid as the vuvuzela players.

Brett Favre

NFL says Brett Favre may have failed drug test after game. League cannot decide whether or not Geritol is a banned substance.

Brett Favre Announces That He Is Retiring (Again). Las Vegas bookmakers put 5 to 2 that he plays for Green Bay in the upcoming season.

Brett Favre Announces That He is Retiring Again. Comeback Player of the Year Chad Pennington worried that he will follow him to Miami too.

Why the Vikings Really Signed Brett Favre: They wanted to break the NFL record for interceptions thrown in one season

Why Brett Favre Really Signed With the Vikings: The money, stupid. It’s all about the money.

Why The Vikings Really Signed Brett Favre, reason #2: 3500 season ticket sales the first day after the announcement.

Why Brett Favre Really Signed With the Vikings, reason #2: It’s been a long time since he threw a touchdown to a Packer. He figures that he’s got two different games to do that this season.

Brett Favre Exceeds Expectations in Vikings Debut. He was only 1 out of 4 for 4 yards, but he threw no interceptions!

Brett Favre finishes season on a high note. Says “I guess I’d better throw 12 interceptions in my next game to get back to my average.”

Vikings Teammates Disappointed Favre Choked Against Saints. “We had a Gatorade Bath for him filled with Geritol.”

Brett Favre Announces Six Month Retirement From Football. He may or may not extend that after training camp starts.

Basketball

NBA’s Washington Wizards try to improve line up with new free agents. Team says foreign players Albus Dumbledore and Gandalf the Grey should “add a little spark of magic” to the line-up.

Tennessee Women’s Basketball Coach in Surgery after Coon attacks Lab. Team spokesman says, “it wasn’t her dog, it was a classroom at the school…it also wasn’t a raccoon, it was one of the Nappy Headed Ho’s from Rutgers.”

Pollsters determine top three questions in America: How will the bailout affect me? Who will win March Madness? What the hell is this Jade Goody thing I keep hearing about supposed to be?

NCAA March Madness receives lowest television ratings ever. Maybe if they included the winning teams from the rest of the country, besides the “power conferences,” we’d care.

Memphis basketball coach quits to take millions as Kentucky basketball coach. Says “I’m leaving one five year contract to sign an eight year one. I hope that this new school doesn’t expect me to honor it when a new offer comes along.”

NCAA Basketball Tournament Announces Selections. As usual, automatic qualifiers from the non-power conferences are seeded 40 to 64.

NCAA Basketball Tournament Announces Selections: Big East Conference upset that some of their schools were not selected, despite losing records.

NCAA Basketball Tournament Announces Selections: Next year, NCAA wants schools from all smaller conferences to be involved in the “play in game.”

NCAA Basketball Tournament Announces Selections: If you missed the selection show, it was mostly just the mouths of Vitale and Packer doing their usual egotistical ravings.

NCAA Basketball Tournament Announces Selections: Funny, but if you don’t have a winning record within your own conference, can’t win 20 games, and don’t win your own conference tourney, why does being from a power conference let you in?

Kareem Abdul Jabbar announces that he has a rare form of Leukemia. No word on whether or not Lew Alcindor suffers the same condition.

High School Basketball Team Scores 100 Points in the First Half. Players and coach, however, score no points in class or sportsmanship competition.

Suspended NBA Player Gilbert Arenas Still Looking For Sports Work. He was upset to learn that the San Antonio Gunslingers of the USFL no longer existed.

NBA Suspends Gilbert Arenas For Actions With Guns. Athlete wonders if he could play in the NFL with a team that uses the “run and shoot” offense.

NBC Says It Expects To Lose Money Broadcasting Olympics. NBA players say “we’ll take that bet!”

NBA Center Apologizes For Nude Photos of Genitals on Internet. “I’m sorry that not everyone is happy looking at pictures of my junk. I guess you Lesbians don’t know a good thing when you see it.”

Shaq May Miss Rest Of NBA Season With Sprained Thumb. This rivals Deon Sanders’ sprained little toe as lamest sports excuse ever.

Shaq May Miss Rest Of NBA Season With Sprained Thumb. Blames injury on Big Baby Davis, but who is the real baby here?

Shaq May Miss Rest Of NBA Season With Sprained Thumb. Actually, he stuck it in Swedish Olympic Speed Skater Ivana Phuque, and now his thumb has Crabs.

Shaq May Miss Rest Of NBA Season With Sprained Thumb. He tried to be like the poor little Dutch boy who put his finger in the dyke, but this one slugged him.

Shaq May Miss Rest Of NBA Season With Sprained Thumb. He might miss the playoffs if the same finger gets a hangnail.

Baseball

Why the New York Yankees will not win the World Series again this year under their new manager: Because it’s over, stupid. They played it last month.

New York Yankee A-Rod and wife finally reach divorce settlement. She gets to keep the Florida home, Alex Rodriguez gets to keep Madonna.

New York Yankees Play Last Game in Yankee Stadium. Starbucks, which is still trying to buy the building to turn it into a coffee house, is competing with Indians who want to make it into a Budget Motel and Arabs who want a 7-11.

Yankee’s Shuffle Line-Up To Confuse Opponents in Playoffs. Now Who’s catching, What’s on first, and I Don’t Know has moved to shortstop.

Yankee’s Burnett a Bust in World Series Game 5. Comedian Carol says “I gave them all my best stuff, but even the Tarzan yell didn’t scare the Phillies.”

Pitcher Randy Johnson Retires From Major League Baseball After 22 Seasons. With a nickname like “The Big Unit,” can he have anything in his future but being a porn star?

Andre Dawson Elected To Baseball Hall of Fame. BALCO and steroids fall 23 votes short.

New York Yankee To Get Married Next Thanksgiving. “If I can’t be the new Mr. October, I can make my new wife Mrs. November!”

Former Slugger Mark McGwire Admits To Steroid Use. “Mark? Steroids? Really? I never would have guessed it was the steroids that made the 160 pound rookie into the 270 pound slugger!”

General

Lance Armstrong schedules surgery before racing in Tour de France. “If having one cancerous testicle removed can help me win six in a row, how many will I win if I get a healthy one cut out?”

Representatives from NCAA and Professional Sports Reveal Comprehensive Drug Tests Results. Only three athletes in the country did not test positive for marijuana, steroids, alcohol, or amphetamines. One each from Notre Dame, Baylor, and BYU passed (and all ride the bench).

Federer Excited About 15th Grand Slam Victory. Denny’s Restaurants say “So what, we sell millions every month for breakfast.”

ESPN commentator Bob Griese suspended for saying Hispanic NASCAR Driver was “out having a taco.” Juan Pablo Montoya could not be reached for comment as he was out having a taco.

Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Hits The Stands: No sports, mostly tits and ass (with a few nice leg and crotch shots)

Sports Illustrated Turned Down Taylor Swift’s Request To Be In Swimsuit Issue. They want people who can fill out a bikini, and Taylor can’t even fill out a training bra.

Supreme Court Rules NCAA Athletes With GPA Under 1.5 Can Compete In Special Olympics. This year’s
Final Four will compete in Special Olympics’; Basketball Finals

Supreme Court Rules NCAA Athletes With GPA Under 1.5 Can Compete In Special Olympics. I guess intellectual laziness plus giant ego equals mental handicap and not stupidity.

Supreme Court Rules NCAA Athletes With GPA Under 1.5 Can Compete In Special Olympics. Inner cities will now be full of gold medals!

Supreme Court Rules NCAA Athletes With GPA Under 1.5 Can Compete In Special Olympics. The problem: most of the football players can spell “NCAA,” but few can spell “Special Olympics.”

Supreme Court Rules NCAA Athletes With GPA Under 1.5 Can Compete In Special Olympics. I think they’re gonna need to use bigger stadiums.



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