by E. Williams on 04/09/14 at 6:15 am
Dallas, TX – (satireworld.com)
Hollywood is abuzz with news that the long delayed sequel to Brokeback Mountain has been greenlit by Dallas Cowboys owner, Jerry Jones, and will be financed with the hot dog sales at Cowboys football games over the next few seasons.
Michael Sam, the newest member of the Dallas Cowboys, has been cast as the lead character, a gay cowboy, and shooting will begin after the regular season since the Cowboys will most likely not make the playoffs this year either.
The rest of the cast has yet to be filled out but rumors are flying that Will Smith will play Sam’s love interest. The characters will ride on horses in their Dallas Cowboys uniforms, pads and all, sans helmets. PETA has also demanded that all horses featured in the sequel be gay as well.
In the sequel, we find out that Brokeback Mountain has a power that lures gay cowboys and football players to its rugged landscape, only to destroy their relationships at a later date. To appease fanboys of the original, producers have already announced that the famous tagline, “I wish I knew how to quit you”, will be used again in the sequel. The suspense circles around which character will deliver that famous line in the movie.
Also in keeping with the feel of the original, producers tell us that as a Cowboy, “Michael will be rode hard and put up wet.” Ouch.
Sam says he will be ready physically for the grueling shooting schedule after being part of the Dallas Cowboys practice squad, as well as fulfilling the rigorous duties of being waterboy for the team during the regular season.
Friends of Jerry Jones tell us they wouldn’t be surprised if Jones let Sam play the final snap of the regular season, a la Rudy of Notre Dame fame and the movie of the same name, just to generate a few tears and make the highlight reel on ESPN.
Sam has also been announced as a backup member of the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders in case there is an injury to a regular squad member during the season. Things are indeed looking up for this rising star in the NFL.