Say Goodbye Roger! NFL in shock as Michael Sam says Goodell ignored pleas for help as his fiance beat him with his G-string in Domestic Abuse assault!

by on 18/09/14 at 7:20 pm

"You best be shutting your mouth boy, 'fore somebody put sumthin nasty in it!"

“You best be shutting your mouth boy, ‘fore somebody put sumthin nasty in it!”

New York City, NY – (satireworld.com)

LBGT activists picketed Roger Goodell’s office today amid reports that the commissioner refused to intervene after the NFL’s first self acknowledged gay player cried for help after a domestic abuse assault by his ‘girlfriend.”

According to TMZ, who claims to have ‘the video” the abuse started in a private suite in Las Vegas after Sam cashed his first practice squad check from the Dallas Cowboys and he refused to take his ‘girl friend’ to a 5 star restaurant to celebrate, but instead directed him to the ‘all you can eat $5 buffet’ not to be confused with the Cowboy’s locker room.

“She’s a greedy bitch,” Sam was heard sniffling to hotel security who ultimately were forced to intervene in the ugly incident when Sam was chased half naked into the casino floor by his crazed partner snapping her G-string at his exposed buttocks raising angry red welts, but not breaking the skin.

“He used to love it when we were first dating,’ retorted the alleged perp…now he’s got money and he thinks his arse is off limits….some people!”

The dazed and confused commissioner, assaulted on all sides due to a spate of unfortunate incidents of a personal nature involving african american millionaires is said to know be between a rock and a hard place.

A spokesman for the NFL said they have considered appointing Anderson Cooper to a new position of arbiter of gay spousal abuse with Goodell saying, ‘any body with a show called ANDERSON COOPER 369 should be just the man for the job!”

A spokesperson for the LBGT community said they were surprised to hear that Sam’s fiance had turned out to be a ‘SWITCH HITTER” who enjoyed inflicting pain on naked body parts….and blamed Pee Wee football and gay scout masters for his early grooming along with his Catholic Choral leader.

Former MA Congressman (D- gay) confirmed that as a practicing HEBREW he never qualified as an altar boy in Boston despite many try outs.



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