Miami Marlins Use Obamacare Math to Sign Player to $325M Contract

by on 20/11/14 at 6:14 pm

Weiners might costr $25.00 each with condiments at a buck a squeeze packet

Weiners might cost ball park patrons $25.00 each with condiments at a buck a squeeze packet.

MIAMI – (satireworld.com)

The Miami Marlins have decided it’s smart to pay ONE player a record $325 million for the next 13 seasons. Wow. Let that sink in for a moment. Giancarlo Stanton will make approximately $25 million a season and that breaks down to around $154 thousand a game.

Where are the screaming Democrats? Talk about your income inequality! For a team to think a single player in ANY sport is worth this kind of money is kind of crazy. God bless ‘em and good luck Marlins! Don’t get me wrong, Stanton is a really great player, but how does a team justify spending so much on one player?

Is Jonathan Gruber or Jerry Maguire this guy’s agent? I can’t imagine the sales job that must have been done on this guy’s behalf to get this much. More power to the guy, his agents played the system perfectly and it will make many of his dreams come true. Maybe the rest of the team can qualify for minimum wage or something close to that.

How do you make up for that investment at the gates? $25 hot dogs? $100 for parking? $750 tickets? They must be using some funny Obamacare math to come up with a way that this pays off for them. Yeah, there will be lots of money to be made on merchandise and jerseys with the guy’s number on them, but still.

In case the Marlins suck for years to come, I wonder if they told him he could keep his no-trade clause if he likes his no-trade clause?



One Response to “Miami Marlins Use Obamacare Math to Sign Player to $325M Contract”

  1. Walter Bucket

    Nov 20th, 2014

    That’s about $5,000 for every time he scratches his crotch..or hires the bat boy to do that for him.

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