by Optic Nerve on 02/07/15 at 4:41 pm
Leon Springs, CA – (satireworld.com)
Well, you knew it was coming right? Just weeks after Bruce Jenner declared himself a ‘woman’ with man parts, washed-up cyclist and admitted doper Lance Armstrong is going to give womanhood a chance and enter the Tour deFrance bicycle event as a woman.
Yes, no more doping with performance enhancement drugs for Lance as in this women only event he’ll have muscle advantages, plus guys will hold doors open and pull chairs back for him when not on the course.
Of course money has it’s own weight in this decision as the once rich super athlete has lost plenty of resources during the last few years as event advertisers demanded their money back and winnings were forfeited by the Tour deFrance officials. Experts estimate that Lance living and competing as a woman athlete Armstrong could take in up to $20 million per year just in endorsements. That figure doesn’t include woman-stuff like razors, sports bras, cycle apparel, personalized douchebags, and frilly underwear!
When Bruce Jenner learned of the impending switch, he sent along a notebook full of helpful tips for Armstrong including how to fake a menstrual cycle and walk straight in 6 inch heels.
French officials admit they’re perplexed about the whole affair, but welcome Lillian Armstrong to the event and hopes she’ll get to wear the yellow kilt of championship.