by E. Williams on 10/11/15 at 6:35 am
HOUSTON – (satireworld.com)
Following a rebuke by voters of their attempt to turn Houston into a modern Sodom and Gomorrah by forcing sexual boundaries to be blurred to appease an extreme minority, the LGBT community is bringing out the pitchforks in an attempt to punish those voters for saying “no thanks” to their offer to open all restrooms in the city to all sexes.
Surely nothing bad could come from this, right? But this has been Houston mayor Annise Parker’s wet dream for some time. Houston voters said NO by a 2-1 margin. Now, as a way to vent their frustrations, LGBT groups are begging the NFL to move the Super Bowl away from Houston, as it is scheduled to be held there in 2017.
This would be a serious blow to the city’s coffers and officials are looking at possible ways to make up these lost dollars. Commissioner Roger Goodell said, “When you factor in the amount for tickets, hot dogs, soda or beer, and maybe a souvenir, a transgender or two could spend up to $900 on game day. Of course, if we sell just three more J.J. Watts jerseys we’re back in the black.”
Goodell said after careful deliberations with other team owners, he has told Mayor Parker that the Super Bowl will stay in Houston in 2017 and that the league will be happy to furnish a large supply of J.J. Watts autographed catheters that the mayor can send out to her friends who would like to attend the game. “We decided the best solution for all of our fans is just to keep the freaks out of the bathrooms, period. Problem solved,” Goodell said.
On a side note, had the open bathroom Prop #1 passed, several million men who live in Houston would have suddenly self-identified as female overnight. Catastrophe diverted.