by E. Williams on 29/11/15 at 5:58 am
New York City, NY – (satireworld.com)
Due to mistakes in the restaurant lately, Papa John’s owner John Schnatter has decided to bench its starting NFL spokesman, Peyton Manning, for Houston Texans superstar, J.J. Watts. Manning recently became the pizza chain’s all-time leading spokesperson and is usually in command in all of his performances in Papa John’s commercials but, lately, Peyton has been off his game.
“He’s been giving way too many pizzas to the wrong customers,” Schnatter said. “We think he may have some sort of foot injury that might be affecting his performance, but we’re taking a wait-and-see approach. I just felt it was better for the brand to let someone else do the heavy lifting for him until we get a better handle on what’s going on with Peyton. That’s why we brought in J.J..
“I pulled Peyton aside in one of our restaurants when he was having a particularly difficult day recently, “John said, “And he asked, ‘What’s the matter, Schnatter?’ That’s one of Peyton’s favorite lines he uses when joking around with me. I told him he was hurting the brand and I was benching him and bringing in Watts. He’s not too happy with me right now.”
Watts is a beast both on the field and in the restaurant. “In our latest commercial, you can see J.J.’s dedication as he’s working out hard, trying to lift a slice of our loaded meats pizza. They are heavy. When I send one of those pizza’s out for delivery, I have to send three delivery guys to carry it to the door and put the box on a sturdy table in the customer’s house.”
Schnatter thinks things will go smoothly with Watts. “Nobody wants to cross the guy, so things tend to flow well, whether he’s in the restaurant or on set for a commercial. We think this issue with Peyton is just temporary, he’s been my friend for a long time, and he’ll be back leading our chain again soon. But if I have any more problems with him, I’m going to give J.J. the green light to blitz him and knock him on his ass.”