ArchivesTag : 2016

Hillary Clinton ‘Can’t Recall’ if She’s Running for President or Not

NEW YORK – (satireworld.com) Notes from the FBI’s questioning of Hillary Clinton this summer show Mrs. Clinton couldn’t recall whether she received training for classified information, was told that her server could cause legal problems for her, or much of anything else, for that matter.

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With Poll Numbers Soaring Trump Vows To Incarcerate Hillary Clinton When He Becomes President

Washington, DC – (satireworld.com) With his poll numbers overcoming a month-long deficit of almost 15 points in some blue states, presidential candidate Donald Trump is soaring high…And so are his growing legion of supporters in states that historically were Democratic strongholds! Reports of discord and emotional hand-wringing has placed the DNC leadership in a position […]

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Shark Tank’s Mark Cuban…. Another Hillary Enabler Who Hasn’t A Clue

Dallas, TX – (satireworld.com) Monday night on “CNN Tonight,” supporter of Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton, billionaire Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban, said Clinton did nothing wrong because the person who set up her email should have set up “filters and alerts that said any email that came with a classified header.”

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Overweight Blountstown Women Claim ‘Hillary Will Make Us Skinny’

Blountstown, FL – (SatireWorld.com) Clarrisa Melton, age 44, and reluctantly still single, has been fat all her life. Her mother and father were fat and so were her grandparents who Melton claims were so large, they both worked in the circus. After many years of watching slim and trim women on TV, and beautiful toned […]

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Trump: Hillary’s Back Injury Due To Kick Starting Her Vibrator

Trump Tower, New York City – (satireworld.com) At a Wednesday press conference Republican Presidential candidate Donald Trump addressed his concerns about his opponent’s health and vitality and especially her ability to govern 24/7 without succumbing to bouts of pain in which she might require doses of powerful medications which he felt could cloud good judgement […]

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Hillary Scares Campaign Crowd In Scranton After 12 Minute Trance-like Stare Into Nothingness

Scranton, PA – (satireworld.com) TV cameras turned away as Hillary had ‘another Hillary moment’ in front of almost 350 supporters in Scranton’s Municipal Arena. What was described by several stunned supporters as ‘a stare into nothingness,’ the Democratic candidate stood frozen on the podium with her face locked in a far away stare toward the […]

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Anthony Weiner Says Once Again He’ll Stick It Out For The Democratic Party in New York

New York City – (satireworld.com) Anthony Weiner vowed Sunday to get back in the New York City mayor’s race, as he confirmed to friends and wife, Hillary aide, Huma his intentions to take on New York City’s Mayor DeBlasio.

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Hand Gestures Reveal Donald Trump’s Past Occupations

CLEVELAND – (satireworld.com) A body language expert has used their scientific analysis to determine Donald Trump’s hidden, past job history – based solely on his hand gestures. Following the conclusion of the Republican National Convention, where he accepted his party’s nomination for President, the expert revealed their findings to MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow.

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NBC Paid Chelsea Clinton $600K Per Year For NOT Appearing on NBC News

New York City, NY – (satireworld.com) Chelsea Clinton, daughter of former-president Bill Clinton and nominated presidential candidate Hillary Clinton, is earning $600,000 per year from NBC News. Satireworld reports that the former First Daughter has not been on the air for months. At $600,000 per year, that adds up to $200,000 to not do her […]

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ISIS Militants Watch the Head Drop on New Year’s Eve

MOSUL – (satireworld.com) Members of the terror group ISIS spent New Year’s Eve celebrating the beginning of a new year of terror attacks and killing by watching the annual head drop in Mosul. The tradition is in its third year and the event is circulated by cellphones and ISIS-controlled TV stations in the region.

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Republican Presidential Field in Disarray After Graham, Pataki Exit

NEW YORK – (satireworld.com) The Republican presidential field is scrambling this week to find a way forward after the shocking, recent departures of John McCain’s BFF, Lindsey Graham, and former New York governor George Pataki. The announcements also crushed the dreams of millions who were hoping to see the first male president named Lindsey.

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Bush Opening Handyman Service With #JebCanFixIt

FLORIDA – (satireworld.com) With his campaign having as much traction as a three-legged cat trying to bury a turd on a frozen pond, Jeb! Bush is seeing the writing on the wall and starting to plan for life after presidential politics. With his new slogan, #JebCanFixIt, the former Florida governor hoped to kick start his […]

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If Elected, Hillary Will Make Pantsuits Mandatory For All Women

BROOKLYN – (satireworld.com) In a glimpse of what may come if Hillary Clinton is elected to the White House in 2016, the Democrat presidential hopeful said that, if she wins, her first order of business will be to sign an executive order making it mandatory for all American women, regardless of age, to wear colorful […]

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Hillary Brand Being Repackaged AGAIN, Now With More Humor!

IOWA – (satireworld.com) Now that the disastrous summer of Hillary is over, her campaign is convinced that Hillary 3.0 will be the game changer everyone has been waiting for. They claim the new model of their candidate will have more humor and heart, according to the New York Times. So, for the last week, Hillary […]

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Several States Making Unusual Requests of Republican Candidates

VIRGINIA – (satireworld.com) Trying to quell any attempt by Donald Trump to potentially launch a third-party run for the White House in 2016, state legislators in several states are debating whether to pass requirements that candidates sign or agree to “loyalty oaths,” stating they would support whoever the Republican nominee is, and forgo running as […]

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Hillary Circumvented State Dept By Transmitting Classified Info Psychically

CLEVELAND – (satireworld.com) The latest excuse for how Hillary Clinton managed to do her job as Secretary of State if she never sent or received any classified materials through her home-grown private email server, as she claims, is that she used her head. During a campaign event here today, the former First Lady said she did […]

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Republicans File Paperwork With FEC to Put Biden on Democratic Ballots in 2016

WASHINGTON D.C. – (satireworld.com) Giving Vice-President Joe Biden the push he needs to make his decision official that he will seek the presidency on the Democratic ticket next year, Republican voters filed the necessary paperwork with the Federal Election Commission for him. Biden will surely throw a monkey wrench into Hillary Clinton’s previously planned coronation.

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Hillary Falling Apart on Campaign Trail Over Email Scandal

LAS VEGAS – (satireworld.com) After a town hall meeting here this week, reporters again tried to get Hillary Clinton to come clean over her continuously unraveling email scandal. As revelations keep mounting that the former first lady broke the law and tried to deceive the public about her dealings as Secretary of State, her excuses […]

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Hillary Campaign Corrects #BlackLivesMatter Members, Says “#BlackVotesMatter”

KEENE, NH – (satireworld.com) After getting blocked by Secret Service agents while trying to enter Hillary Clinton’s latest rally in this town, members of #BlackLivesMatter contacted the campaign and were granted a brief face-to-face meeting with the Queen of the Democratic Party. Afterwards, the group was wishing they hadn’t bothered.

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Trump Just Purchased 2016 Election, Will Paint White House Gold

NEW YORK CITY – (satireworld.com) The Donald announced today that because he was tired of listening to all the crap in the media about Hillary Clinton’s inevitability in 2016, he has called the media’s bluff and paid enough voters to back him – they’re now all under contract to do so – that his run […]

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Clinton Supporters Trying to Make Robotic Hillary Seem “More Human”

NEW HAMPSHIRE – (satireworld.com) Following Hillary Clinton’s recent interview with CNN’s Brianna Keilar, the Democratic candidate faced many of the same criticisms that have plagued her during her entire time in public life. The woman is just not warm, personable, and relatable, but rather a cold, calculating, conniving, power hungry witch. So Hillary supporters are […]

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Hillary Campaign Promise: “I’ll Only be Half as Disappointing as President Obama Has Been”

NEW HAMPSHIRE – (satireworld.com) In a soaring speech that brought her crowd of supporters to their feet, Hillary Clinton today made her most inspirational case for why she should be the next president of the United States. She tossed red meat to her base by promising that, if elected, she will only suck half as […]

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iOS-Hillary 2.0 Will be as Buggy as First Version

NEW YORK  – (satireworld.com) In an attempt to make everyone forget the last two months of missteps on the campaign trail, Hillary Clinton wants a do-over. She will “reset” her presidential run with ANOTHER announcement this weekend on Roosevelt Island. Seems funny that the woman with the greatest name recognition in the world of politics […]

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Georgia Man Says He CAN Trust Hillary as Far as He Can Throw Her

ATHENS, GA – (satireworld.com) An Athens auto mechanic said today that he believes he CAN trust Hillary Clinton as far as he can throw her, but he makes no guarantees beyond that. Mrs. Clinton and her campaign have been rocked in recent weeks over what potential voters see as a lack of trustworthiness in the […]

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Marco Rubio: Is America Really Ready For a President With Four Traffic Tickets?

ORLANDO, FL – (satireworld.com) The Marco Rubio presidential campaign was rocked to its core today after the New York Times broke the shocking story that the Florida senator has received four traffic citations in the past eighteen years. Rubio and his inner circle are huddling tonight, in full damage control mode, to try and figure […]

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Hillary’s Test Results In; Allergic to Reporters, Everyday Americans

BROOKLYN  – (satireworld.com) The Hillary Clinton campaign has acknowledged what many have suspected – the former First Lady is allergic to journalists and American peasants. Skin tests were conducted at Johns Hopkins last week and the results were made public today. The diagnosis seems to explain Mrs. Clinton’s avoidance of all those not already within […]

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Debut of ‘Hillary Clinton: The Comic Book,’ Just Shoot Us Now

CHICAGO – (satireworld.com) The old adage “just because you CAN do something, doesn’t mean you should” doesn’t apply to the Hillary Clinton campaign. Now the people at Bluewater Productions (no relation to the Whitewater or Blue Dress scandals) are launching a comic book chronicling the adventures of Mrs. Clinton as she fights against all odds […]

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South Carolina Woman Almost Fooled by Hillary’s Fake Southern Accent

COLUMBIA, SC During a campaign stop today, presidential candidate Hillary Clinton broke out her southern twang in a sad attempt to seem more relatable to the local folk. Many eyes rolled when she began using the accent, embarrassed that the former first lady actually thinks the tactic works in winning voters to her side. But […]

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Rappers Line Up 2 Endorse Hillary: “Time For a White Bitch to Run the Show”

NEW YORK CITY – (satireworld.com) If early indications hold true, Hillary Clinton already has the coveted rapper voting bloc all sewn up. So far, Waka Flocka Flame, Ja Rule, Snoop Dogg, A$AP Rocky, and others have announced they’ll be doing all they can to get the former Secretary of State elected in 2016. Jeb Bush […]

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Nation Grateful That Hillary is Keeping Her Mouth Shut

WASHINGTON D.C.  – (satireworld.com) While beltway pundits and reporters are upset that Hillary Clinton has been MIA when it comes to answering questions they would like to ask the presidential contender, most Americans are more than relieved that the former First Lady has decided to just zip it. According to a recent survey, nearly all […]

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