ArchivesTag : drugs
Obama Touts First Economic Success: Opium Production Up 61%, Taliban Unemployment Down 15% in Afghanistan!
Washington, DC – (SatireWorld.com) Ever eager to tout just one economic achievement and to show a profit on just one Government Investment, President Obama called a national press conference to announce to the American Taxpayer, “See, I told you….I am not a LOSER,’ as he crowed over his administration’s success in Afghanistan.
Full StoryNew JFK Jr hagiography whitewashes Carolyn Bessette’s heroin addicition
New York, NY – (SatireWorld.com) The coke snorting son of John F Kennedy took a massive gamble marrying the vapid peroxide smack addicted Calvin Klein executive in what some have described as a knee jerk reaction to six years trysting with Daryl Hannah.
Full StoryMan Hides Gun In His Rectum During Jail Stay
Athens, GA – (SatireWorld.com) Police in Georgia believe that despite multiple searches after a traffic violation, a suspect managed to sneak a gun into a prison last Monday by concealing the weapon in his rectum.
Full StoryMexican President Blames Lack of Tourism on Citizens ‘Who Have Just Lost Their Heads and Are Hanging Around!”
Mexico City, Mexico – (SatireWorld.com) Mexico’s President Felipe Calderon, who has backed his country’s law suit against Arizona for instituting tough “illegal” alien laws, now says his country’s tourism is suffering due to a nationwide breakdown of law which has led to anarchy.
Full Story“Cartel Tunnel Syndrome” Undermines Napolitano’s Claim US Borders “Safer than Ever!”
Washington, DC – (SatireWorld.com) Despite daily discoveries of mining operations under the state of Arizona along the Mexican Border, Homeland Security (sic) Chief Janet Napolitano still says American Borders are much safer than under the Bush Administration.
Full StoryOccupy Wall Street – A Microcosim of Debauchery, Sex, and Drugs
Wall Street, NYC – (SatireWorld.com) What started out as a gathering of people frustrated over what they see as a lack of opportunity in America, their concerns over corporate greed, and the large gap between the poor and rich in America, unemployment, student loans and political corruption, may be developing into something else entirely. Based [...]
Full StoryObama Pig Out: Raises Plate Ceiling to $71K for Birthday Bash, Touts Chicago Casino!
The White House – (SatireWorld.com) Feeling petulant, peevish and ever the perverse petite-maitre, President Obama became the latest Poster Boy for the Peter Principal in US politics as he postured, prevaricated, and pissed off most of America over the still unresolved Debt Debate.
Full StoryKarzai Vows to Raise Afghan Debt Ceiling, Tax Tanning Booths, Gun Sales, after Assassination Of Brother Cuts off Heroin Cash Flow!
Kabul, Afghanistan – (SatireWorld.com) The assassination of President Hamid Karzai’s brother, Ahmed Wali, has thrown the Afghan nation into an economic crisis with Karzai now saying unless he can raise the debt ceiling and borrow more money while raising the income tax from 0 to 87% he will be unable to pay monthly checks to [...]
Full StoryUS Government Report: Marijuana By Itself Doesn’t Make You High
Washington, DC – (SatireWorld.com) Marijuana potency increased last year to the highest level in more than 30 years. It now poses a greater risk to people who take the drug to get high, but only if you light it. This claim was according to a report released Thursday by the mostly harmless White House.
Full StoryRapper Snoop Dogg Gives Up Hollywood To Return To The Streets
Los Angeles, CA – (SatireWorld.com) Cordozar Calvin Broadus, or better known as rapper Snoop Dogg, took a few minutes one evening and finally followed the advice of a fellow street wise rapper who he has known since childhood.
Full StoryAuthorities Report Paris Hilton Dead. Drugs Blamed!
Paris, France-(SatireWorld.com) Police and investigators are in a quandry after reports trickled in that the Paris Hilton is dead due to drug use, Fans flocked to the scene as health officials and police investigators combed the area for clues and evidence.
Full StorySnooki Left ‘Gobsmacked’ After Limey Reporter Suffers Sneezing Fit At Cast Party!
Satire News Pool Reporter Harold Worth was yet in the center of another controversy after the Limey Expatriate was assigned to cover the cast party for the TV Reality show “Jersey Shore” as they kicked off their new season of bad taste, big boobs and big hair in a gay way.
Full StoryUS Government Report: Smoking Marijuana Makes You Smarter
National Institute of Health-(SatireWorld.com) Marijuana potency increased last year to the highest level in more than 30 years. It now poses a greater risk to people who take the drug to get high, according to a report released Thursday by the mostly harmless White House.
Full StoryObama and Calderon Cement New Open Border Policy With a Toke and a Pint!
The White House-(SatireWorld.com) Obama and Mexico President Felipe “The Butcher of Tijuana” Calderon announced a new trade pact today as the two strongmen exchanged gifts at the White House celebrating The United States of Mexico.
Full StoryNapolitano & 82nd Airborne to Jump Into Acapulco to Prove “Mexico is Perfectly Safe to Visit!”
Fort Bragg, NC-(satireworld.com) Despite news reports of Mexico’s 30,327th violent murder linked to government sponsored drug activity, Obama says travel is not restricted, and urges spring breakers to continue with plans to “go have a good time, get drunk, get laid….our youth need to lose their heads occasionally!”
Full StoryObama Admits Marijuana Use As Teen
Normal, Il -(satireworld.com) President Barack Obama, opened a three day swing through the heartland with a visit to the Fi Cannabis Society, a marijuana advocacy group, in downtown Normal, Il.
Full StoryMarijuana Doesn’t Make You High Claims US Government
Washington, DC (satireworld.com) Marijuana potency increased last year to the highest level in more than 30 years. It now poses a greater risk to people who take the drug to get high, but only if you light it. This claim was according to a report released Thursday by the mostly harmless White House.
Full StoryHarry Potter Fans Connected To An Upsurge Of Crime And Even Deaths
Los Angeles, CA- (satireworld.com) Ever since the popular series of books and movies about the fictionalized character Harry Potter were released, Police have reported a steady and upward rising number of thefts that have been connected to Harry Potter wannabees.
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