ArchivesTag : Football

Peyton Manning Tests Positive For Papa John’s Pizza Sauce

DENVER – (satireworld.com) Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning is fuming this week amid rumors he used human growth hormone (HGH) to recover from surgery several years ago. Al Jazeera, the source of record for football in the United States, claims in a report that Manning was supplied steroids from a clinic in Indianapolis in 2011.

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Papa John’s Benches Peyton Manning For J.J. Watts

New York City, NY – (satireworld.com) Due to mistakes in the restaurant lately, Papa John’s owner John Schnatter has decided to bench its starting NFL spokesman, Peyton Manning, for Houston Texans superstar, J.J. Watts. Manning recently became the pizza chain’s all-time leading spokesperson and is usually in command in all of his performances in Papa […]

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New England Patriots Sign Thom Braydee to Play For Suspended Brady

FOXBOROUGH – (satireworld.com) In a surprise announcement today from the New England Patriot’s football team, Coach Bill Belichick told reporters that the team has signed a previously un-drafted quarterback to start the four games that embattled star quarterback Tom Brady has been suspended for, following the investigation into the ball-deflating scandal from last season. The […]

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Tom Brady Deletes Entire NFL Database, Wipes Server Clean

FOXBOROUGH, MA – (satireworld.com) Just days after the NFL announced their findings from a preliminary investigation into whether or not New England Patriot’s quarterback Tom Brady had ball boys intentionally let the air out of his footballs to give him an advantage in games, word has surfaced that Mr. Brady has indeed deleted all files […]

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Obama Invites Seahawks Coach to White House for Lessons on Taking Responsibility

WASHINGTON D.C. – (satireworld.com) Just hours after the end of the Super Bowl, President Obama sent an invitation to Seattle Seahawks head coach, Pete Carroll, asking Carroll to come to the White House later this month to help the President understand what it is like to take responsibility for a bad decision. Coach Carroll has […]

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Tom Brady Admits Guilt, Suffering From “White Quarterback Privilege”

FOXBORO, MA – (satireworld.com) New England Patriot’s superstar, Tom Brady, has maybe admitted guilt regarding the under-inflated football scandal, but he says he has come to terms with his main problem, “White Quarterback Privilege.” Brady fully understands that if a black quarterback in the NFL had been accused of tampering with the inflation of footballs […]

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Charlie Brown Sues That Bitch Lucy Over Under-Inflated Football Claims

LOS ANGELES – (satireworld.com) In light of charges the New England Patriots have been under-inflating footballs to make the balls softer, Charlie Brown has filed suit against that bitch Lucy for doing the same to him since 1973, the year the Thanksgiving episode first aired. Lucy’s publicist is denying the claims and says their client […]

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Handful of St. Louis Rams Players Enter Field With Ferguson Salute

ST. LOUIS, MO – (satireworld.com) Several members of the St. Louis Rams came onto the field before Sunday’s game with the Oakland Raiders showing the flawed narrative gesture, “Hands Up, Don’t Shoot,” and went on to win the game 52-0.

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NFL Goes Pink for Breasts in October, Stays Pink in November For Hoo-Ha Awareness Month

NEW YORK CITY, NY – (satireworld.com) No football fan can escape the sea of pink on TV sets each October as the NFL conducts its yearly campaign to raise awareness for Breast Cancer. Now, the league has decided to stay pink to honor one of the greatest things in the world, the Hoo-Ha. The player’s […]

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The Dallas Cowboys: Preseason News and Notes

The latest news and information from the *Dallas Cowboys* (America’s Team!).

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Dallas Cowboys Owner Denies Wrong Doing With Two Females (A Satire World Editorial)

(satireworld.com) Pictures surfaced on the internet this week of Jerry Jones with two women. One of the pictures has the Dallas Cowboys owner grabbing and cupping a woman’s breasts from behind. Another picture shows Jerry standing in his boxer shorts, while a woman is kneeling in front of his crotch (apparently ready to deliver oral […]

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Zingers: Sports

(satireworld.com) Off and on, for about six years, I wrote “snippets” for a different humor website. These were also easy one or two line jokes with a simple set up, followed by a punch line. Some people call these zingers or and others call them different names.

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Harold Worth Reporting From the World Cup: “London Gay Pride Parade Unsuccessful With Football Fans and Players Here in Brazil”

Brazil-FIFA World Cup – (satireworld.com) As part of Satireworld’s desire to be international and cover news all around the globe, I am currently working in Brazil to cover the World Cup. This is, other than the Olympics, the most viewed sports tournament on Planet Earth! Instead of giving you “blow by blow” actions of the […]

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Harold Worth Reporting From the World Cup: “Brazilian Sheep Ranches Hire Security Guards to Protect Flocks from Football Players”

Brazil – World Cup – (satireworld.com) As part of Satireworld’s desire to be international and cover news all around the globe, I am currently working in Brazil to cover the World Cup. This is, other than the Olympics, the most viewed sports tournament on Planet Earth! Instead of giving you “blow by blow” actions of […]

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World Cup Bound Harold Worth Accidently Joins A Brazilian Street Gang

Rio de Janiro, Brazil – (satireworld.com) British reporter Harold Worth was in his 6th day of an South American fact finding and a vist to thje FIFA World Cup when, as fate would have it, he made a wrong turn on one of Rio’s numerous freeway off ramps. Soon, after a myriad of turns and […]

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Dallas Cowboy’s Fans Unite to Pray for Racist Remarks From Jerry Jones

Dallas, TX – (satireworld.com) In light of the lifetime ban placed upon Donald Sterling, owner of the LA Clippers, after his recent racist remarks, fans of the Dallas Cowboys football team have come together in prayer hoping their sorry-ass owner, Jerry Jones, will open his big mouth and say something that will get him banned […]

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PHOTO OF THE DAY

So much money. So much talent. So much suck when it comes to winning.

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Why Denver Lost The Super Bowl

Meadowlands, New Jersey NFL experts have listed three reasons why the Denver Broncos were crushed so badly by the Seattle Seahawks in the Super Bowl. The Broncos were beaten 43 to 8 in a game where the Seahawks scored with a safety, rushing touchdowns, passing touchdowns, by interception return, by kickoff return, and by field […]

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Ohio State Coach Urban Meyer Says He Doesn’t Plan on Punching Clemson Players in Orange Bowl Game

Miami, FL – (SatireWorld.com) The last time Ohio State played against Clemson in a Florida Bowl Game, it was 35 years ago and Buckeye coach Woody Hayes attempted to cold cock a Tiger player. The 1978 Gator Bowl is most famous as the last game of College Football Hall of Fame coach Hayes and the […]

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Best and worst NFL performances 2012-13

We are into the next NFL season and already we are seeing some amazing games go down, but we must not forget those great and completely terrible games from last season. Here is a reminder of the highs and lows that we can expect from the 2013-14 season.

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Throckmorton P. Turdblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column”

Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, I have always found red headed women to be the most attractive to me.  The problem with this is I never know if a woman really has natural red hair because so many of them are always dying it and changing the color with the seasons.

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Jets Decide “They Both Suck” and Announce They’ll Start 70 Year Old Joe Namath As Quarterback

New York, NY – (SatireWorld.com) In the words of New York Jets’ coaches: “Mark Sanchez Sucks! Geno Smith sucks! The other rookies in camp suck!” Frustrated by their inability to find a quarterback, the team announced this morning that they are signing former Super Bowl MVP QB Joe Willie Namath to a five year, $150 […]

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College of Cardinals Announces First Black Pope

Vatican City, Rome – (SatireWorld.com) The College of Cardinals in Vatican City announced the first Black Pope of the Catholic Church. There was speculation that they might break from tradition and choose a black Cardinal, but the black Cardinal that they chose surprised everyone. Larry Fitzgerald, wide receiver and all pro with the Arizona Cardinals, […]

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84% of Convicted Pedophiles and Pedophile Priests List Man U as Favorite Premier League Team

Manchester (UK)-(SatireWorld.com) In a survey of Catholic Priests in English prison for sexual acts against minors (all male victims), it was discovered that 84% of all those surveyed selected Manchester United (Man U) as their favorite football team in the Premier League. Additionally, it was learned that the favorite football team of all pedophile prisoners […]

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Premier League Team Man U Revealed To Buy Athletic Supporters From Victoria’s Secret

Manchester (UK)-(SatireWorld.com) A delivery driver with dyslexia read an address backwards and accidentally delivered Man U’s order to a Manchester fast food restaurant. After opening a box they thought intended for them, the crew of a McDonald’s learned that the box of red, lacey, silk athletic supporters was actually meant for the Man U Premier […]

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Obama: Soccer should be our national sport cuz only the fans die young!

Blountstown, FL President Obama, the former Olympic member of the Indonesian Skeet Shooting team, jumped into the national discussion involving traumatic injuries in football siding with former SW reporter Harold Worth praising the ‘civility’ of ‘football'(soccer in the US) around the world, especially in the UK.

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Ray Lewis Expected To Return To Stabbing Bar Patrons Upon NFL Retirement

Baltimore, MD – (SatireWorld.com) Baltimore Ravens defensive linebacker Ray Lewis announced his retirement from the NFL at the conclusion of his team’s participation in the upcoming playoffs. The 17 year National Football League veteran has been named to several all pro, Pro Bowl, and other all star teams in his career and is a Super […]

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Nick Saban Plans To Give Alabama Team Emotional “Gipper” Style Speech Before National Championship Game

Crimson Tide Land, Alabama – (SatireWorld.com) In a move that comes straight from opponent Notre Dame, Alabama Crimson Tide Coach Nick Saban has announced that he will give his team a Fighting Irish style “Win one for the Gipper” speech before their NCAA BCS Title Game.

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Notre Dame Sues NCAA Because One Referee For Football Championship Game Isn’t Catholic

NCAA Headquarters – (SatireWorld.com) The University of Notre Dame has filed a lawsuit against the NCAA because one of the referees (a line judge) scheduled to work in their National Championship Game isn’t Catholic. The University referred to the unwritten rules that state that the NCAA must do everything it can to see that the […]

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Tony “Oh No!” Romo Continues Tradition By Blowing It Again

Dallas, TX – (SatireWorld.com) Tony Romo didn’t change his spots (like the proverbial panther) and led the Cowboys to their annual choke in the last game of the NFL season. Needing a win to make the playoffs, the Dallas quarterback threw three interceptions to winning defensive players on the Washington Redskins. He also completed only […]

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