ArchivesTag : Football
Throckmorton P. Turdblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column”
Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, There used to be all these television commericals on when I was a kid about “ring around the collar” and special cleaning products you could use to take care of it.
Full StoryCollege of Cardinals Announces First Black Pope
Vatican City, Rome – (SatireWorld.com) The College of Cardinals in Vatican City announced the first Black Pope of the Catholic Church. There was speculation that they might break from tradition and choose a black Cardinal, but the black Cardinal that they chose surprised everyone. Larry Fitzgerald, wide receiver and all pro with the Arizona Cardinals, [...]
Full Story84% of Convicted Pedophiles and Pedophile Priests List Man U as Favorite Premier League Team
Manchester (UK)-(SatireWorld.com) In a survey of Catholic Priests in English prison for sexual acts against minors (all male victims), it was discovered that 84% of all those surveyed selected Manchester United (Man U) as their favorite football team in the Premier League. Additionally, it was learned that the favorite football team of all pedophile prisoners [...]
Full StoryThrockmorton P. Turdblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column”
Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, I heard their is this bunch of soccer playing fairies in England that call themselves Man U. Is that supposed to be short for something?
Full StoryPremier League Team Man U Revealed To Buy Athletic Supporters From Victoria’s Secret
Manchester (UK)-(SatireWorld.com) An delivery driver with dyslexia read an address backwards and accidentally delivered Man U’s order to a Manchester fast food restaurant. After opening a box they thought intended for them, the crew of a McDonald’s learned that the box of red, lacey, silk athletic supporters was actually meant for the Man U Premier [...]
Full StoryObama: Soccer should be our national sport cuz only the fans die young!
Blountstown, FL President Obama, the former Olympic member of the Indonesian Skeet Shooting team, jumped into the national discussion involving traumatic injuries in football siding with former SW reporter Harold Worth praising the ‘civility’ of ‘football’(soccer in the US) around the world, especially in the UK.
Full StoryRay Lewis Expected To Return To Stabbing Bar Patrons Upon NFL Retirement
Baltimore, MD – (SatireWorld.com) Baltimore Ravens defensive linebacker Ray Lewis announced his retirement from the NFL at the conclusion of his team’s participation in the upcoming playoffs. The 17 year National Football League veteran has been named to several all pro, Pro Bowl, and other all star teams in his career and is a Super [...]
Full StoryNick Saban Plans To Give Alabama Team Emotional “Gipper” Style Speech Before National Championship Game
Crimson Tide Land, Alabama – (SatireWorld.com) In a move that comes straight from opponent Notre Dame, Alabama Crimson Tide Coach Nick Saban has announced that he will give his team a Fighting Irish style “Win one for the Gipper” speech before their NCAA BCS Title Game.
Full StoryNotre Dame Sues NCAA Because One Referee For Football Championship Game Isn’t Catholic
NCAA Headquarters – (SatireWorld.com) The University of Notre Dame has filed a lawsuit against the NCAA because one of the referees (a line judge) scheduled to work in their National Championship Game isn’t Catholic. The University referred to the unwritten rules that state that the NCAA must do everything it can to see that the [...]
Full StoryTony “Oh No!” Romo Continues Tradition By Blowing It Again
Dallas, TX – (SatireWorld.com) Tony Romo didn’t change his spots (like the proverbial panther) and led the Cowboys to their annual choke in the last game of the NFL season. Needing a win to make the playoffs, the Dallas quarterback threw three interceptions to winning defensive players on the Washington Redskins. He also completed only [...]
Full StoryThrockmorton P. Turdblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column”
Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, This weekend, the Baltimore Ravens played against the Philadelphia Eagles and I didn’t know who to root for.
Full StoryJerry Jones’ Eyeglasses Cleaner Refuses to Pick His Nose
Seacacus, NJ – (SatireWorld.com) During the second quarter of the Wednesday Dallas Cowboys-New York Giants game from the Meadowlands, cameras showed Cowboy owner Jerry Jones in his luxury skybox. He was handing his eyeglasses to a man behind him, who pulled a cloth from his shirt pocket, cleaned the glasses, and then handed them back [...]
Full StoryThrockmorton P. Turdblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column”
Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, What happened? I was readin’ yer column every day when i took my morning dump, but then I couldn’t fer the last few weeks. Did sumthin happen to yer website?
Full StorySandusky Family To Market “Jerry-Tool” To Pay Legal Defense Fees
Harrisburg, PA – (SatireWorld.com) In order to pay continually growing legal fees, the family of Jerry Sandusky has announced that they will begin marketing a new product. “Jerry-Tool,” a sexual lubricant, will be sold in adult book stores and adult video retailers across the United States and Canada and to sheep ranchers and Moslems in [...]
Full StoryThrockmorton P. Turdblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column”
Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, Now that they have decided to have a four team playoff for the NCAA football championship, do you think they are going to open it up to everybody?
Full StoryLawyers Advise Jerry Sandusky Not To Wear Michael Jackson Fan Club T-Shirt To Sentencing
Harrisburg, PA – (SatireWorld.com) Lawyers on the defense team of former Penn State Football Coach Jerry Sandusky have advised the accused child rapist/molester not to wear his Michael Jackson Fan Club t-shirt to his sentencing or to any more court appearances. Sandusky is currently awaiting a verdict on 48 counts of rape and child molestation [...]
Full StoryObama Completely ‘out of the closet’, Now Embraces English “Football!”
Camp David, MD – (SatireWorld.com) It now appears that since President Obama ‘tucked in’ Dave Cameron on Air Force I, an event which is said to have accelerated his ‘evolvement’ on the gay marriage question, he’s come ‘all the way out’ with his new infatuation with English ‘football.’(soccer to you colonists)
Full StoryThrockmorton P. Turdblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column” (Thursday Edition)
Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, How ’bout them Cowboys! Jerry Jones Dallas, Texas
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