ArchivesTag : murder

Post British Handgun Ban….Result? Handgun Crime Doubles!

Via WSJ (SatireWorld.com) Americans are determined that massacres such as happened in Newtown, Conn., never happen again. But how? Many advocate more effective treatment of mentally-ill people or armed protection in so-called gun-free zones. Many others demand stricter control of firearms.

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Bespoke English Luggage Maker Announces Special Hillary Clinton Carryall in Run Up to 2016!

Washington, DC – (SatireWorld.com) Ever since UK MI6 cryptologist Gareth Brooks was found naked (and dead) in a locked North Face carryall and his death ruled a ‘suicide’, demand has skyrocketed amongst the shadowy world of Spooks plying their trade around the globe.

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Body Parts Found In Detroit Sewers For Third Time This Year

Sterling Heights, MI – (SatireWorld.com) Authorities say body parts have been found in a sewer in suburban Detroit for the third time in just over a year. A spokesman for the Sterling Heights police say the remains were found Wednesday by workers making repairs.

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Carlos Danger Sticks up for Amnesty, Stiffs Waitress!

New York City, NY – (SatireWorld.com) Anthony Winer, aka “Carlos Danger” continued his ill conceived march to the NYC mayor’s office launching a spanish language ad extolling his support for illegals, gays, transgenders, lesbians, the Muslim Brotherhood, Bangladesh cab drivers, road rage bike messengers, the New Black Panthers, ‘show ‘n tell’ in the public schools, […]

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” My Culture Regularly Calls White People ‘Crackers’ “

Sanford, FL – (SatireWorld.com) During George Zimmerman’s murder trial, star prosecution witness Rachel Jeantel told the defense lawyer during cross-examination that it is the norm within her local community to call white people “crackers.”

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Joran Van der Sloot about to take Peruvian Wedding Vows: ’till death do us Part!”

Lima,Peru – (SatireWorld.com) Peruvian authorities announced the impending nuptials of lethal serial womanizer Van der Sloot to his jail house lover identified as only an ‘independent vendor’ catering to the needs of incarcerated Peruvian felons.

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Liberals Berate Responsible Gun Owners; Embrace the Biggest Taxpayer Funded Child Killer

SatireWorld.com There were 506 homicides in Chicago last year, home of one of the nation’s toughest gun laws, and home to the President of the United States. From 1965 to last year the total was 22,033 in Chicago Land.

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Brit Muslim Mom Beats Son To Death Over Quran Lessons

London(UK)- (SatireWorld.com) On Monday, an English judge sentenced a woman he called a “devoted and loving muslim mother” to at least 17 years in prison for beating her son Yaseen to death after he failed to memorize passages from the Quran.

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Ray Lewis Expected To Return To Stabbing Bar Patrons Upon NFL Retirement

Baltimore, MD – (SatireWorld.com) Baltimore Ravens defensive linebacker Ray Lewis announced his retirement from the NFL at the conclusion of his team’s participation in the upcoming playoffs. The 17 year National Football League veteran has been named to several all pro, Pro Bowl, and other all star teams in his career and is a Super […]

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Grand Ole Opry Performer Under Investigation For Disappearance Of Fiance After Singing “Dead Girlfriends Don’t Get Headaches”

Nashville, TN – (SatireWorld.com) Country Singer J. Dimwitty Philpott is being investigated in the disappearance of his fiance, Thelma Lou Hoskins. Miss Hoskins has not been seen in the past three months, but police only begin considering Philpott a suspect after the release of his latest album. Previously, according to Detective Ron Whitehead, “we didn’t […]

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Early Absentee Ballots Counted in Chicago: Vince Foster Still Supports Hillary Despite Mystery Death!

Chicago, IL – (SatireWorld.com) Conspiracy theory pundits are going wild with the news that former Clinton counsel, and alleged paramour of Hillary Clinton, is alive and voting in Chicago along with over 90 other ‘dead’ people close to the Clintons who expired under clouded circumstances!

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Mexican President Blames Lack of Tourism on Citizens ‘Who Have Just Lost Their Heads and Are Hanging Around!”

Mexico City, Mexico – (SatireWorld.com) Mexico’s President Felipe Calderon, who has backed his country’s law suit against Arizona for instituting tough “illegal” alien laws, now says his country’s tourism is suffering due to a nationwide breakdown of law which has led to anarchy.

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Joe Biden: ‘Without Jobs Bill You Will Be Raped and Murdered’

Flint, MI – (SatireWorld.com) As the official straight man for the Obama Administration, Vice President Joe Biden came out with what most are calling threats of rape and murder if the President’s jobs bill isn’t passed by Congress.

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Casey Anthony To Write Book: “If’n I Dun It”

Orlando, Florida – (SatireWorld.com) Following in the footsteps of her favorite former NFL running back and celebrity murderer found not guilty, Casey Anthony has decided to write a tell all book detailing what would have happened if she had actually killed her own daughter. The book, to be titled “If’n I Dun It,” will not […]

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Tot Mom Trial…Cindy Anthony Mistakenly Googles Chloroform Instead Of Cyanide

Orlando, FL – (SatireWorld.com) Cindy Anthony gave potentially damaging testimony during the trial of her daughter Casey Anthony. Casey, who stands accused of murdering her two year old daughter Caylee Anthony in a emotionally charged trial, denies any wrong doing and claims all she ever wanted to do was to sell shots at late night […]

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Whitey Bulger Captured! Obama Takes Credit; FBI & ATF Crap Their Pants!

Fremont, CA – (SatireWorld.com) After 16 years on the lam, Whitey Bulger was nailed in California by an unarmed KMart security guard when the fugitive killer came in to buy some Martha Stewart dinner settings and a George Foreman grill! Unfortunately for the guard, Obama is now taking credit for the arrest.

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Mexico Appeals Executions Of Convicted Mexican Murderers

The Hague, Netherlands – (SatireWorld.com) Mexico made an emergency appeal to the U.N.'s highest court Thursday to block the execution of its citizens on death row in the U.S. Mexico listed five of its citizens slated to die. The first is Jose Medellin, 33, condemned in the gang rape and murder of two teenage girls […]

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Amanda Knox Claims ‘Prison Is Boring ‘Cept On Fridays When Guards Allow OJ Simpson To Tap Dance’

(SatireWorld.com) Amanda Knox, who’s spending most of her 20s and probably her 30s in an Italian jail, says prison life is really boring. Sentenced to a prison term that will allow her freedom by the time she enters menopause, Knox claims her days are filled with washing other prisoners clothes, scrubbing toilets, and sending letters […]

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Napolitano & 82nd Airborne to Jump Into Acapulco to Prove “Mexico is Perfectly Safe to Visit!”

Fort Bragg, NC-(satireworld.com) Despite news reports of Mexico’s 30,327th violent murder linked to government sponsored drug activity, Obama says travel is not restricted, and urges spring breakers to continue with plans to “go have a good time, get drunk, get laid….our youth need to lose their heads occasionally!”

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Mormon Tabernacle Choir Organist Goes Postal

Salt Lake City, UT (satireworld.com) Frank Ashton, one of the official organists for the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, went on a shooting rampage after a recent choir concert, killing or wounding two members of the choir, four members or the Orchestra at Temple Square, and eleven concert goers. As of this writing, five of these people […]

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Cult Leader Charles Manson Paroled Today After 40+ Years In Prison

(SatireWorld.com) 1960s hippie and cult leader Charles Manson was placed on half-way house release after a civil liberties appeal brought his case before the California Supreme Court. After protesting his incarceration for almost 40 years for crimes he claimed he didn’t commit, prisoner 185634, aka Charles Manson, was released in time for Christmas and placed […]

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