ArchivesTag : throckmorton turdblossom
Throckmorton P. Turdblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column”
Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, I am a white, conservative, gun owning, straight, male, and a Christian. In fact, I’ve got a t-shirt that says on the front and back ”White, Conservative, Gun Owning, Straight Men for Jesus!”
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Dear Capitalist American Pig-Dog Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, My country will very soon launch missiles which will crush your imperialistic government and put your people under the command of me, the President for Life of the People’s Republic of North Korea.
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Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, I think I just figured out where the illegal alien problem comes from. Last night, the wife made me watch “West Side Story” with her (you know how it sometimes is… no whoopie unless you watch the chick flick first).
Full StoryThrockmorton P. Turdblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column”
Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, I think my girlfriend has been lying to me. She says that she’s a virgin, but she’s also got these stretch marks on her. She also sometimes wears a nursing bra. She also says that her parents make her babysit a lot, even though she once told me that she’s the [...]
Full StoryThrockmorton P. Turdblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column”
Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, When you get a case of the trots or the Hershey squirts, some people call it a case of the “runs. Do they call it that because:
Full StoryThrockmorton P. Turdblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column”
Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, I was watching this commercial for this show the other night called Honey Boo Boo. I never saw Yogi Bear a single time and there wasn’t even Boo Boo, Cindy Bear, or Mr. Ranger. Can I sue for false advertising? Harry Thumper, Bellybutton, Alabama Dear Harry, Dumbass! It’s another stupid reality [...]
Full StoryThrockmorton P. Turdblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column”
Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, We was playing scrabble the other night and I got a bunch of letters and could have spelled out two different words. Did you know that “vagina” and “viagra” pretty much got the same letters? I spelled out the first one and got a double word score. Later that night, I [...]
Full StoryThrockmorton P. Turdblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column”
Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, I’ve been watching the news about this new Pope thing going on over there in Italy. That Benedict feller announced a month ago that he was quitting, and they are just now finishing building the special chimney for the smoke for them burning ballots.
Full StoryThrockmorton P. Turdblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column”
Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, The current administration is trying to remove our First Amendment rights, our Second Amendment Rights, bankrupting the country, and now is planning on using Drones against citizens of this country inside of this country. There is talk that they want to change the Constitution to get Obama more terms in office. [...]
Full StoryThrockmorton P. Turdblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column”
Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, I heard tell that this woman sued McDonald’s because she put her cup of hot coffee between her legs, spilled it, and burnt herself. She got a million dollars or something and now places got to warn folks that coffee is hot.
Full StoryThrockmorton P. Turdblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column”
Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, I understand that the latest dictator feller in North Korea is threatening to launch a preemptive Nuclear Strike on the United States. Since his country has yet to launch a missile that has traveled more than a hundred miles… should Tokyo be worried?
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Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, I heard their is this bunch of soccer playing fairies in England that call themselves Man U. Is that supposed to be short for something?
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Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, When someone asks you “how’s it hanging,” are they really referring to your pecker? Albert Rowena Studybutte, Texas
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Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, Why? Buford Turnbuckle Ardella, Mississippi
Full StoryThrockmorton P. Turdblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column”
Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, My girlfriend has got this fantasy of putting on one of them whipped cream bikinis and having me lick it off of her.
Full StoryThrockmorton P. Turdblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column”
Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, Our teacher has been makin’ us look at all kinds of paintings and pictures and even brung us to an art museum. While we was there, we saw some really ugly stuff that don’t look like nothin’ real that was valued at tons of money.
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Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, I got me a question on that disease called “Chicken Pox.” Do you get it from: touching raw chicken, being around live chickens, eating chicken, being around dead chicken parts, or being a chicken. We ain’t sure which.
Full StoryThrockmorton P. Turdblossom “The Country Boy Advice Column”
Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom, My husband has a heart attack and the doctor says that he has to cut back on red meat. Does this mean that he should cook his steaks well done instead of medium rare?
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