by captain america on 02/03/11 at 2:21 pm
United Nations, NYC-(SatireWorld.com)
After an all night session of ‘intense camel trading’, the UN announced today that Madman Muammar Quaddaffy has agreed to step down from leadership in Libya based on certain conditions hammered out by UK Trade Rep Prince Andrew and agreed to by the EU and former UK Prime Ministers Gordon Brown and Tony Blair, the latter under duress.
According to the “Quaddaffy Protocol”, the dictator will be held ‘safe and hold harmless’ from 41 years of despotic repression where he ruled unchallenged, mostly in part due to western governments willing to overlook his heavy handed rule of ‘law’ in exchange for oil,lucrative arms deals and ‘personal favours.’
Former Prime Ministers Brown and Blair, due to their unconscionable dealings with Quaddaffy, will be forced to take him on as a house guest, each sharing the hosting for 6 months of the year.
Brown will house him in North Queensferry, Fife, and Blair will house him in one of his mansions scattered around Britain for the remainder of each year. Cherie Blair, who is said to be having a bit of a ‘fit’ over the arrangement will have the final say over which “pile” Quaddaffy will be put up in.
Quaddaffy also agreed to a reduction in rank to “Captain’, a three pay grade reduction from full Colonel, and a subsequent loss of a substantial amount of retirement pay and benefits.
PM Cameron, said to be in charge of “freezing” $5b in Quaddaffy cash recently moved to the Bank of England, said that the windfall, after attorney fees, finder’s fees, processing fees and 20% off the top for Prince Andrew who was said to have ‘been brilliant’ in arranging the trade agreement, will be split equally with the Bank of Scotland.
According to tax officials, Quaddaffy will not have access to the principal, but will be entitled to the interest in order to pay his hosts’ rent, pay for staff, including a bevy of bountiful personal masseurs, a uniform allowance including dry cleaning, and tent rental.
Negotiations are said to be continuing regarding the final disposition of Libya’s oil fields with lively bidding going on between BP, Chevron, Petrobas as well the state controlled oil companies in Venezuela and Kazakhstan.
Insiders close to the Royal Family are laying odds on Kazakhstan and oil tycoon Timur
Kulibayev who is said to have a ‘close relationship’ with Prince Andrew through a mutual friend, the exotic 30 year old Goga Ashkenazi who is said to have brokered Andrew’s
former marital home to Kulibayev for $15m, just $3m over the asking price.
Prince Andrew was not available for interview as retainers said he was off to Kazakhstan with close friend billionaire and convicted pedophile Jeffery Epstein to discuss funding a movie of the Libyan saga featuring Charlie Sheen as Quaddaffay, and Millie Cyrus as the young concubine behind the throne.
Prince Andrew is said to be ‘very keen’ on having Mel Gibson play him on the screen.
Sheen when told of the possibility of a new lucrative role, reportedly grabbed his crotch and yelled, “Hey Andy, I’ve got your Oscar…RIGHT HERE!”