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Limey Reporter Missing; Doesn’t Even Leave ‘one little thing behind’ According to Heartbroken Hooker!

by captain america on 27/04/11 at 1:12 pm

San Francisco, CA-(SatireWorld.com)

A heart broken Therapist with a PhD, who makes her living off personal ads on social networking sites, announced a reward today for information concerning bumbling Limey Reporter Harold Worth, gone missing in recent days.

“He sure wasn’t much, ‘ said Therapeutic Massage Professional Hilda “Handi” Hilldegard,” but the little bugger sought of grew on ya!”

Hilda said she was heartbroken when Harold suddenly dropped out of sight shortly after they first met, and only after 6 ‘treatments’ concerning his erectile disfunction despite evidence things were ‘picking up.’

Worth, who stumbled around the US during a fortnight vacation getting himself into trouble over his
lack of communication skills, British malapropisms , distain for Bud Light and filter tipped menthol cigarettes,
appeared to have found some solace in his brief relationship, according to Hilda.

“He was quite the roque, really, under that guise of bumbling, he was a man of many facets and multiple identities! My, how the little prick could put on airs and talk in different dialects…he shoulda’ been on stage and all with his talent,” said a still gobsmacked Hilda.

Ms. Hilldegard she was so concerned for the missing Worth that she contacted missing person’s in NYC where he was last seen on cam scurrying furtively down 42st Street with his leather cloak bundled around him , his hat pulled down across his face and clutching a used pair of panties. “He’s just so naive, he coulda’ gotten into a lot of trouble, especially if he ran out of those English Oval cigarettes he fancied and tried to bum a fag…..!”

Hilda said she had a meeting with a police artist working with an Identi-kit, but it wasn’t much help.
“Even though I spent hours on him, I couldn’t tell you what his face looked like…I spent all my time on trying to correct his little problem…I guess all you could say was it was about this big,” as she extended her thumb and forefinger about 2 cm, ” it was mostly pinkish and looked like it had the cutest little knitted cap for a head…all wooly like, but he said it wasn’t Spotted Dick and certainly wasn’t fattening! Har. That Harold, he was a Royal Fooking Jokester he was….hope I can find ‘em…if he could just get it up onst in awhile
he could be a real stand up comic….I just laugh every time I think about that little Bugger!