US Postal Service To Issue Special Pippa Middleton Postage Stamp
by Meagan Hotstuff on 01/05/11 at 4:26 am
The rear-end view that captivated the world and stole the royal wedding show!
The Postal Service Postmaster General, Melvis P. Phelps, introduced the new Pippa Middleton Rearend view Postage Stamp to a mostly stunned and open mouthed crowd of reporters. Over the hushed crowd, he immediately tried to explain the importance of bringing newer, more youthful stamp collectors and users into the US Postal system.
“Look folks, with the newer generations of consumers, we have to try to approach things on their terms. They like seeing their movie actors and singing stars look like sluts, right? Believe me, it’s all about looks and sex these days”
Citing sales figures that showed a significant slump, while internet usage has skyrocketed in recent years, Phelps stated, that with the introduction of the sister of the future Queen of England in her clingy bridesmaid dress, the stamp will increase sales and allow the Postal Service to limit future postage costs to consumers.
He also added that the sixty-nine cent stamp was appropriately priced and thought the $.69 pricing had a little sophomoric humor in it.
“In our future, we see Lady Gaga stamps, Christina Aguilera shipping cartons, and probably plenty of Barack Obama red tape too!” Phelps discounted the rumor that the Pippa Stamp was lickable.
Jalapenoman
May 1st, 2011
I was going to make a comment about licking the stamps, and then you snuck it in on the last line of the story.
Would Mr. Whipple get into trouble for “squeezing” the stamps?
Would teenage boys get into trouble for enlarging them and posting them on their bedroom walls?
Bargis
May 1st, 2011
well, I already did enlarge the photo and it’s hanging in Satire World’s corporate headquarters