by Jalapenoman on 01/05/11 at 6:47 pmDallas, TX – (SatireWorld.com)
With the ninth pick in the eight round of the NFL draft, the *Dallas Cowboys* selected Pippa Middleton. She was not chosen to be a tight end or a punter or a cornerback. In fact, she had not even played NCAA football or even opted in to the draft. The *Cowboys* chose Miss Middleton based on her “other talents” to be a member of their famous cheerleading squad.
When asked to justify his pick, *Dallas Cowboys* owner Jerry Jones said that “the *Dallas Cowboy* Cheerleaders are the finest group of their kind in the world. Into that elite squad, we only bring the most beautiful and attractive women in the world. We believe that Pippa Middleton displayed that she has the proper talents and assets that would benefit both her and our team.”
Miss Middleton is both the first woman and first cheerleader ever drafted by an NFL team.
Pippa was informed that cheerleaders do not fall under the currently expired collective bargaining agreement, and that she was free to begin workouts and practices with the group.
She has already been offered a thirteen million dollar multi-year contract, with guaranteed salary and a signing bonus.
Candy Price and Muffy Waters, two of the women currently on the squad, were excited to hear the news. Said Candy, “I saw her at the royal wedding and thought: she’s hot!” Muffy agreed and added “she’s hot enough to turn me lesbian.”
The *Dallas Cowboys* have also announced that they are opening Cheerleader practices to the public (for a nominal fee) and that the girls tend to wear “really tight lycra short shorts and cropped off tank tops… only.”
Ticket sales are expected to be brisk and highly lucrative.