Oldest British Virgin Celebrates Her 105th Birthday

by on 06/06/11 at 6:08 am

The folks at the nursing home gave Clara a really nice tiara and asked reporter Walter Bucket to take her out on a date

Cornwall, England – (SatireWorld.com)

Clara Meadmore, who celebrates her 105th birthday Saturday, says she knows the secret to a long life….No sex! The retired secretary, who lives in a nursing home in Cornwall, southwestern Britain, says she is still a virgin and has no regrets about it, according to reports in British newspapers and on SatireWorld.

"I've always had lots of platonic friendships with men but never felt the need to go further than that or marry," SatireWorld reporter Walter Bucket quoted her as saying.

Meadmore said she had turned down several marriage proposals, including one several years ago from a young man named Phineas Skoob, but she made up her mind when she was very young that she would never marry.

"People have asked whether I am a homosexual and the answer is no. I have just never been interested in or fancied having sex, though I almost did it with Mr. Skoob."

Meadmore was born in Glasgow, Scotland, in 1903. When she was 7, her family moved first to Egypt where she was accosted by a mummy. Then to Canada, where she was accosted by an eskimo. Then onward to New Zealand where she was accosted by a Kiwi! Finally, she returned to Britain when she was in her 20s and was accosted by no one!

Feeling safe, she eventually settled in Cornwall which is noted for having the butt-ugliest men in Britain, further saving her virginial sanctity.

"I grew up in an era where little girls were to be seen and not heard so I had to learn to stand up for myself and earn my own living," said Meadmore, who still has her own hair and teeth. "Some men don't like that in a woman and before long I was too old to marry anyway."

Meadmore said she would probably have a glass of wine to celebrate but not more. "I'm hardly likely to get drunk and do something silly at my age," she said.

Ms. Meadmore plans to celebrate her 105th birthday with a party at the nursing home, where she lives in Cornwall. Recently, Queen Elizabeth II sent her a birthday card which read.

'Roses are red and Violets are Blue.
I need some sex….
and you really need some too!'

Meadmore giggled when she read the Queen's message…"Sex indeed!"

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