Brit Officials Regret 2008 Choice Of Physicist Stephen Hawking As Olympic Torch Bearer

by on 18/08/11 at 6:47 am

Reportedly, Hawking finally showed a little remorse about choosing to participate when after 18 months on the road, he noticed an inch-worm on the ground near his wheelchair wheel beating his best speed.

Manchester, England – (

In 2008, Noted physicist and slow poke Stephen Hawking, took possession of the Olympic Torch in order to lend his personal support in moving the torch through Britain as the famous Olympic Flame made its procession from historic Mt. Olympus in Greece to the 2008 Olympic destination of Beijing China.

Stephen Hawking’s wheel chair mounted torch run through parts of Britain are still in progress as the official Olympic torch makes it’s way in record slow time. So slow in fact they plan to use it for the upcoming 2012 Olympics in London instead!

Officials are still fuming mad, mainly because they’ve had to refill the official torch 300 times with fuel, and yet… It has only gone 20.4 miles since 2008! As midlander Anthony Squibb commented in a very frustrated tone of voice, “My God man, he’s still at it and he’s only gone a few kilometers!”

The struggling Hawking was last seen bundled under rain soaked blankets as the weather assailed his already slow progress into a virtual snail’s pace.

“The bloody ‘snail’ cost us time and money,” claimed an outraged observer as he nervously chomped on a stub of a cigar. Others feel the same way about the Olympic Torch’s shame as Hawking rolled on without the procession of supporters he had following hin in 2008. Most left the paralysed physicist to fend for himself in early 2009.

Hawking has had a few narrow brushes with disaster as well. As the Torch dimmed from lack of fuel, he was almost hit by all sorts of vehicles from speeding taxi cabs to wayward bicycles until a well-wisher installed a light-bar from a police car on the top of Hawking’s wheelchair. Though well intended, it caused problems of sorts, as scores of drivers pulled over waiting to be cited for a traffic violation thinking the flashing blue lights were from an official police vehicle, only to impatiently wait for the slow moving Hawking to pull alongside and all the while, simply tying up traffic.

Hawking was chosen as a ‘runner’ because his application to represent the UK in the Olympics was turned down by the Royal Commission.

To speed his progress, committee organizers tried rigging a make shift sail to his wheelchair so as to be with-in the self-powered limits of the Olympic Torch progression rules, but as of today, Hawking still has 150 miles to travel and supporters feel, if he doesn’t die pneumonia or hand cramps from holding the torch, he’ll make the city of London by early July, 2012.

One Response to “Brit Officials Regret 2008 Choice Of Physicist Stephen Hawking As Olympic Torch Bearer”

  1. Walter Bucket

    Aug 18th, 2011

    PETA protesting also as he held up a sloth from making it to it’s food supply until it nearly died from hunger.

Leave a Reply