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Egyptian Youth’s Strange Fascination With Television Personality Lead To Early Puberty

by Annoying Rash on 01/09/11 at 10:01 am

"At times I'm confused as to whether I'm a Colonel Waan or a Colonel Waanita Waan. I know I get more points for being a girl at times, but lately I hate those icky points, they're soooo beneath me now!

Darweesh Blatzoai, who friends still call little Colonel Waan, a childhood nickname, was a normal 7 year old boy who loved riding his camel and throwing sticks into the Nile so dogs would fetch them shortly before being devoured by crocodiles …Suddenly, at age 8, the troubles started….For little Colonel Waan is was early puberty.

By age 9 little Colonel Waan had a full, bristly moustache and a voice so husky a coal miner would be envious. By age 10, he was having sexual relations with boys and girls twice his age. Alarmed, his parents brought him to the Cairo University Behavioral Center for a lenghty evaluation by professionals.

Dr. O.Gumpta Benji quickly determined the surprising cause…Venticularitis of the Frontal Lobe.

“The condition starts at an early age once children start to write Cheryl Cole stories and become so intertwined with the personality, they believe that they’re one in the same,” explained Dr. Benji. “We have been noticing a rash of early puberty among children who write these stories in an attempt to feed their egos and gain acceptance from their peers. In one instance, we had a juvenile trading hundreds of fictious Cheryl Cole stories for points that were worth absolutely nothing, then denying he was doing the stories for ego-enhancing points.”

Others have called for action from around the globe citing the practice was infantile and simply an ego builder. One leading expert added his own views, “The the stories are rubbish! They soften the brain tissue and allow it to melt together forming dead spots. Ban them all I say.”

Cheryl Cole was surprised at the news and offered her heartfelt condolences for little Colonel Waan, but was amazed that an 8 year old could get a stiffy simply from creating silly stories. Says Cole, “maybe getting a point thrill, instead of a hard on like normal little boys, somehow satisfies some deep seated sexual fantasy of controlling women and bolsters a sagging ego.”