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In A Scathing Rebuke, Publishing House Charges Authors To Publish Their Own Book!

by Jon Worthington on 29/09/11 at 2:52 pm

Cagliari, Sardinia – (SatireWorld.com)

The publishing house of Lightweight Books announced a new policy, the first in its one hundred year publishing history where they will be charging certain authors to publish their own works. Lightweight House, a respected leader in publications, with famous literary offerings such as… Proper blanket folding, cabinet hardware selection, and how to eat the cheese off your buddy’s neck, charted a new course when professional reviews of an author’s submission of short stories fell short of, well, let’s say, any particular publisher’s interest.

The book, Dorker’s Review, a collaboration of silly, badly composed stories, was written by an ego-driven collection of recent graduates from a local Alcoholics Anonymous chapter. Most of the better passages in the book relate to the daily trials and tribulations of self indulged, mainly boring people. But most agree, it was the idea of the various writer’s spouses who needed something for them to do besides changing the newspaper in the bird cage, remembering to take the trash to the curb on trash pick-up day, or coming home sober from the local pub at a reasonable hour.

Charging writers to publish their own works is a realativly new publishing avenue for novice, or poorly skilled writers to follow, in which, it allows them to obtain instant self-gratification of having a published book with their name on it. For some, having a ‘vanity book’ in circulation, and the thin kudos it can bring, enhances their image at their local pub where a few would most certainly buy them a pint in celebration. In this case, the book was designed with waterproof covers to forestall a drunk’s spilled drink from ruining it.

Some even go as far as to hold ‘book signings’ or produce online videos as a way to legitimize their artistic endeavors. But in reality, most end up pestering friends and family into purchasing a copy which most feel an obligation to do in order to placate the author’s strange need to be accepted as something in life with an artistic legacy.

Self-publishing can be expensive as the group learned the hard way when the shipping/distribution cost were revealed after they paid up front for the printing, the front/back hardcovers, and artwork. Additional shipping expenses were spared as they, as a group, traveled to the Lightweight Books printing facility in Sardina to pick up almost 20,000 printed copies, forgetting the hefty import duties at the UK border.