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‘My Gayest Football Days’ Tells A Compelling Story Of Modern British Soccer

by Meagan Hotstuff on 30/09/11 at 6:37 am

London, England – (SatireWorld.com)

A life of soccer and successful contracts with the most winning teams should have made Belville Slaughter a stud muffin with the girls…But things are very different today in merry old England. Belville has decided to leave soccer and enroll in the new ‘George Michael’s School of Advanced Faggotry Studies’ in order to complete his new blockbuster book…‘My Gayest British Football Days.’

This is not an isolated incident in the most revered sport in Britain, and Belville is not alone. In fact, the Labour Party enlisted the help of a renowned third-party research think-tank to examine the current state of British football player’s sexuality in the UK. The finds were startling and sobering…A full 90% of British football stars are gay or profess a desire to be gay in the near future. The other 10% live in Scotland or write for the Spoof.com.

Enrollment is up in more than one hundred gay-based instructional institutions by more than 550%. Reports of successful transgender operations has increased by 1500% in London alone. Even shoe manufacturers have reported a major upswing in the sales of women’s football footwear in size 12 to 13.

The game’s status report cites many reasons. The moral effect of media and entertainment figures like, George Michaels, Gary Glitter, Juankerr, Clay Aiken, Adam Ant, Boy George, and many others who not only flaunt their homosexual agenda, but encourage others to do the same.

Now, even the holiest of holys, British football or soccer, has lost some of it’s appeal as younger men have taken to watching the ballet on weekends, or taking sword-swallowing lessons, or singing in a choir. Many even have enrolled in interior decorating courses at Lancaster University.

The report also cites the increased allure of Western sport’s culture, typically American Football, which has captured the hearts and minds of most women in Britain. This is supported by the fact that American Football players have been voted the ‘Guys Most Likely To Make Me Juicy’ for twenty straight years by the widely read UK GIRL TODAY, a popular magazine amongst the 20-40 year set.

Christopher Blane, author of the report, made this statement to sum up the American football difference…”Those ‘Merican chaps are, well…They just seem to Bunga-Bunga so much better wit us Brits, and with the right sex too!”