by Johnathon Sebastian-Kent on 17/10/11 at 3:52 pmWest Sussex (UK) – (SatireWorld.com)
After almost ten years of being what he thought he wanted to be, a West Sussex man announced that he was no longer going to consider himself ‘gay’ and was going back into the closet for good.
“It was horrible! Other writers constantly hit on me. I was always watching my bum whenever I bent over at work. When my car failed, a close friend told me he’d lend me his seatless bicycle and that was the last straw after noticing he never cleaned the post after the last time he used it.”
Gay Gary quit his job. Sold all his antiques. Then immediately left town in the middle of the night and moved to London. Finding a quaint flat in trendy Soho, Gary moved everything into a closet and shut the door. Friends and fellow writers looked everywhere. Mail was unanswered. The email address no longer worked. Gay Gary was gone!
Unfortunately, even while in the closet, Gay Gary was never quite good at concealing his true identity. In his elementary school production of “Peter Pan,” Gay Gary was the only Lost Boy to accessorize his costume with a matching knapsack, claiming that he ‘needed somewhere to put the fairy dust.’
But despite the fact that all of Gay Gary’s family and friends already know that he’s gay, he will attempt to go back into his closet and hide his sexuality. Over the next couple of weeks, Gay Gary will be selling his Ricky Martin concert tickets, trading in all of his H&M buttoned downs, and finding a naïve nancy-girl to be his official “beard.”