by Johnathon Sebastian-Kent on 20/10/11 at 9:48 amGlascow (UK) – (SatireWorld.com)
Medical researchers at the prestigious Glascow Medical School have evaluated Lynton Cox in a recent round of testing. The advanced testing confirmed the reason behind, and the probable cause, of Cox’s dreadful attempts at ‘long-winded’ writing. This condition is further defined where anything under three short paragraphs is impossible for a writer like Cox to complete.
"First and foremost is the repeated and cronic abuse of alcohol. It will damage brain cells to such an extent, that the weakened cell tissue is subject to gross cellular variations over time. Also, having 'one’s head up your own ass' for prolonged sessions will damage cells and make them susceptible to bouts of extreme ‘long windedness in writings.’" Claims Dr. Angus MacCloud, who advised Cox to remove his eye glasses during his next cranial-rectal inversion in order to protect himself from further hemorrhoidial abrasions.
Dr. MacCloud also spoke of how cell phone usage over a long period of time, coupled with advancing audio difficulties, can add to the chance of a writer’s stupidity increasing as well. MacCloud further elaborated, “Let’s face it. With your head up your own ass, cell phone reception is stressed to the point you’re always yelling. In such a confined area as your own rectum, this will damage your hearing abilities leading to short-sighted perceptions.”
As another example, Dr. MacCloud mentioned that repeated 'bad ideas and poor judgement' also stress the brain cells, making them responsive to an invasion of distracting thoughts which complicate the process of placing proper thought processes in a condensed, easy to follow manner.
“In Mr. Cox’s case, being stupid and having equally stupid people around you can lead to this affliction. Once Cox finds other avenues of pleasure, he might be able to condense his writer’s skills where a simple explanation is reached within three or less paragraphs without diaherra of the pen.”