Local Authors Strike Lucative Deal With Leading Toilet Paper Manufacturer

by on 27/10/11 at 4:38 pm

The deal was instantly sealed once the toilet paper manufacturer saw the front cover (photo above) and knew foreign purchasers wouldn't require translated user instructions

Dorking (UK)

Eleven novice authors have struck it rich by signing a lucrative deal with a leading US toilet paper manufacturer. The authors of what’s being described as the worst book of the millenium, have found an outlet for their latest work that promises big bucks and some happy ‘end’ users.

Published last month by a publish-on-demand printing house, the ‘Dorking Review’ was panned by readers and critics from such retailers as Barnes & Noble, Books-A-Million, and Amazon. Finding sales ‘temporarily sluggish’ as described by Stuart ‘Dork’ Kerr, the authors negotiated a clever deal where all 100,000 pre-printed copies will be sold as novelty toilet paper to third-world countries.

One of the authors, Gay Gary Hoadey, says he’s relieved that first, he’ll recoup a portion of the printing costs, and second, he won’t have to steal toilet paper rolls from construction site Port-A-Potties any longer.

Only one author objected about the deal, was when Ian ‘Skoob’ Youngs complained, while consuming his tenth pint of beer, that he ‘thought it wasn’t fair’ about him having to make stupid Youtube posting promoting the book when it was going to be outright sold, and also he showed compassion for those who purchase the rolled toilet paper that…”It will be hard to read once the sheets get wet.”

Others were relieved by the news and will be collaborating in a new writing venture called ‘Dorks That Dance With Wooden Shoes.’ They all agreed to make sure it was printed on thinner paper….Just in case!

6 Responses to “Local Authors Strike Lucative Deal With Leading Toilet Paper Manufacturer”

  1. The Pimpernell

    Oct 27th, 2011

    Very funny, I love these stories, simply hillarious!

  2. Lady Godiva

    Oct 27th, 2011

    Gotta luv that writer….keep ’em coming. ROFLAO

  3. Captain america

    Oct 27th, 2011

    …could always “roll a fag” innit if you rolled ’em real tight!

  4. Lady Godiva

    Oct 27th, 2011

    Yup! They’re always ‘rolling fags’ LOL

  5. Lady Godiva

    Oct 27th, 2011

    Hey! I hope the pages of the Dorking Review are a little kinder to the arse (ass) than that Izal medicated stuff we used to use as kids in England. It was really slippy and slimey.

    Oops! I’ve just answered my own queerie.

  6. Mark Lowton

    Oct 28th, 2011

    I don’t use that at all Lady G, now I use only the finest paper ever since Gay Gary Toadley and that miscreant Stuart Kerr started wiping my arse for me. At first they used scratchy stuff. Now, ever since they split the function between them, each try to outdo each other. Stuart once used his head!
    Ghastly slicked-back look I might ad, didn’t do anything for the poor old chappie’s looks, dare say, his affinity with the ladies!

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