by captain america on 28/11/11 at 8:41 pm
Cambridge, MA – (SatireWorld.com)
International Twitter News was mildly aflutter today over minor and major news events on both sides of the pond….
In England, eyebrows were raised over speaker John Bercow’s commissioning of a life like portrait of himself, half stooped, head slapped directly on his shoulders minus a neck, as he rises from his throne after a constitutional, grimaces as if he is passing gas, and points in a threatening motion to a few back benchers who are shouting to be heard over the din of MP’s squalling over the cutbacks to their personal expenses.
The picture, frame, and coat of arms went for about $53,000 and was paid for out of funds reserved for heat subsidies allotted to Brits living abroad in Barbados this coming cruel winter.
Bercow, who is the son of a cab driver, and born in the back seat during a rainy Monday while his dad was on Queue at the airport, said he is proud to celebrate his rise to Parliament and his inordinate good luck in marrying a striking exhibitionist almost twice his size.
Wife Sally, with a penchant to wrap her statuesque nippley figure in a thin sheet and pose for the tabloids, as well as her attention seeking publicity stunts, including her latest, moving in with a tattooed gypsy in a caravan for a new BBC Reality Show “Screwed, Blued and Tattooed,” has finally driven diminutive John to the brink.
Which leads me to the major story of the day.
Barney Frank, (D, Gay, MA) has announced he is stepping away from his congressional seat that he’s held for 30 years in order to co star in yet another BBC reality show this time with John Bercow, as a counter point to the Speaker’s wife own two part series on wife swapping.
According to the BBC Harry Belafonte has been signed as the Nigerian Houseboy who runs the day to day lives of his employers and is in charge of ‘fiddling’ expenses for the Speaker, keeping Sally at arm’s length, and gives speech therapy lessons to Frank as he tries to overcome his speech impediment involving wrapping his tongue around vowels.
If the Brit Speaker and the former head of the US House Finance Committee ‘hook up’in what is being called ‘a hilarious gay comedy poking fun at the stuffy House of Commons and the Corrupt US House of Representatives tentatively titled “Two and a Half Arsed Men!” executives are saying it’ll be the biggest underground hit since Kim Kardashian’s Sex tape with Ray J featuring a 20 minute Oral sex extravaganza between heterosexuals.
Frank denied he is not seeking relection due to the redistricting in his home state, which has redrawn his district which meandered through every rich Jewish neighborhood, by passing white middle class Americans who work, and covering bastions of liberal college professors.
His new district has touched down in a area which includes an Aryan Brotherhood neighborhood, another section which is now practicing Sharia Law, a largely Nigerian neighborhood which has been know to take machetes to homosexuals, and a group of Mashpee Indians who did not get a casino gaming license from Governor Deval Patrick; none of which house Obama’s illegal relatives Aunt Zulu or Uncle George.
Bercow’s majestic coat of arms, depicting a rainbow over a glory hole, two tennis balls and a ball boy, (he’s ardent about lawn tennis) is meant to depict his strong support of gays, lesbians, transsexuals, amorphous eunuchs in waiting, and elected members to the House of Commons that have been known to go ‘either way.’
Frank, who survived a ‘minor’ indiscretion in picking up a gay date from the classifieds, taking him in as a room mate, fixing his parking tickets, and looking the other way while his new love ran a gay escort racket out of his basement (NPI), almost single handedly is responsible for the mortgage meltdown in the US.
Barney, along with Ted Kennedy bag man Senator Chris Dodd, (D, Letch, CN) badgered banks along with former transgender Attorney General Janet Reno to hand out ‘NINJA’ mortgages that no one could afford, or had any intention to pay back.
Such was his influence in Congress, that mortgage Giant FANNIE MAY’(SIC) was named in his honor while donating millions to Democratic re election campaigns and ‘bending over backwards’ to accommodate Barney, handling out huge bonuses, and occasionally supplying new lovers to the Congressman.
Said Lib-Dem Nick Clegg, strong proponent of the European Union, and co chair of the current UK Cluster F****, “this will be a classic SPOOF, even better than the original Odd Couple with Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau because these guys really are a couple of gay old Queens!”
Frank announced he wouldn’t run for election today in front of tearful and ardent supporters including a host of Priests, a Scout Master, a Cape Cod summer camp owner, and several representatives from the athletic departments of Penn State and Syracuse University.
Chris Matthews said later on his “Hairball” show, “After the last three years of Obama I thought I’d lost that tingle up my leg…but just being close to Barney, I’m happy to say, IT’s Back!”