by Jalapenoman on 16/01/12 at 6:30 amPriapus-on-the-Rise(UK) – (SatireWorld.com)
An epidemic of Small Cox is now out of control in England, causing the country to be blockaded by a multi-national Naval force and the airports to be closed. Other countrys are attempting to contain the disease in London and surrounding areas and to keep it from spreading outside of the nation.
Assistance is being provided by a mostly female group of doctors from other countries, including from the Centers for Disease Control (C.D.C.) in Atlanta. Medical technicians in the country wearing Hazmat suits are now a common site, as is seeing a population wearing breathing masks to filter the air.
Outside of England, the town of Port Dover, Canada is also on a lockdown. Researchers believe that the specific strain of Small Cox affecting Great Britain came from panties mailed by a Canadian woman to several of her favotite satire writers. All of the men who received the panties are affected and have been hospitalized.
A Mr. Mark Lowton appears to have been afflicted the most. On questioning, however, he had “the least” to begin with. Hilda Lowton, his mother, revealed that “little Mark always had to swipe me tweezers when he wanted to masturbate. Now the little wanker is going to need to borrow a magnifying glass just to find his little willie.”
Larger sized condoms are not being sold in any of the retail establishments in the country as men everywhere are trying to find something that fits.
A campaign to women, “Size Doesn’t Matter,” is apparently not working as many single women and prostitutes have attempted to pass the blockades and leave the country for “real men.”
One lady of the evening said that “I almost felt like paying this one former soldier (he claimed he had been an officer) when he asked me to give him oral sex. He actually managed to pick out some things I had stuck between my teeth, and I didn’t have to even floss. I don’t know if he actually came or not, as nothing measureable was felt in my mouth or on my taste buds.”
Men at the Japanese Embassy in London said that “it has been a lot easier for us to get dates lately, as we are no longer the little guys.”