by captain america on 22/02/12 at 1:52 pmBristol(UK) – (SatireWorld.com)
A near disaster was narrowly averted, it has been reported, after a Bristol man caused the shut down of the Bristol airport and the A38 whilst doing ‘a bit of spring cleaning!”
Reports of a giant “Hairball” which was seen rolling down the A38 pushed along by high winds, obscured the vision of drivers, and was seen emitting ‘puffs of dust and debris’ which swirled into the clouds further causing traveller delays at the Bristol Airport for travelers attempting to escape to Spain for a spot of sun after a tough winter.
No accidents were reported, although several drivers reported they were forced to pull of the motorway and ‘smoke a fag or two’ until the danger moved on.
The local man, who can not be named until it can be determined if he is in the country legally, raised the ire of Council House Police when an attempt to ‘hoover’ up 2 weeks worth of dog hair in his flat went terribly wrong.
The man, who claimed he had gone through 4 Dyson Animal Vacs at $700 a piece over 3 years in an attempt to keep up with the shedding of his pair of Golden Retrievers, decided to try a new house cleaning trick he had seen on a Thai DYI presentation from Pattaya during monsoon season.
Witnesses claimed the man waited for the blustery wind to come up, and then simply opened all his doors and windows creating a ‘giant cyclone like suction effect’ which ‘evacuated’ all the accumulated dog hair from every nook and cranny from his one bedroom flat.
“It even took the pile from under the fridge and telly that I’ve been trying to reach since last winter,” the man allegedly noted to a neighbor who only owned coon cats and had suffered from no such scourge.
Barristers for Dyson claim they are looking into the matter as they have serious reservations concerning the man mentioning his pioneering “Cyclone Cleaning Scheme”, as ‘Cyclone Sucking’ appears to be a patented trade mark of the company’s leading home vac system.
“This won’t do, won’t do t’ll,” said trademark attorney Percy Rump-hole from the Old Bailey.
“Can’t have folks mucking and sucking about experimenting with new vacuuming methods, no money innit for us, Eh?”
A clip on Utube of the giant hairball run wild has caused a mild sensation with over 1.2m views in little over 4 hours as the idle job shy lounging at home glued to their social networking sites
have begun to follow suit,
‘Hairballing’ is now said to be bigger than ‘Tebowing’ in the UK, and threatens a bigger shut down in the realm than the volcano ash dust fiasco caused by Iceland’s monetary banking system blowing up and polluting the continent.
Said one lassie recovering from late night cavorting in town, “this system works pretty good on chip wrappers, light weight aluminum beer cans, pizza boxes, if they’re cut up first, and unfiltered used fags…not so good on filled nappys..but I’m working onnit!”
“Sure beats sorting the rubbish into 9 bins, ” said new to ‘Hairballing’ scouser Harry Wellington, an out of work bicycle seat refurbisher. Been trying to git rid of all this S**** for ages, but it seemed like too much of a bit of work. I’m all fer it…finally an idea whose time has come…and it’s PRICELESS!”
More When The Dust Settles.