by captain america on 09/05/12 at 7:47 amPort Dover, Canada – (SatireWorld.com)
The Canadian government admitted today that they are stumped over how to classify an influx of EU citizens flooding the country over fears of unrest, anarchy, crimes against nature, sodomy,
football (soccer) riots, high taxes, not to mention political correctness and ‘uman rights!
Whilst a government study group has been put together to solve the riddle, a study that will’ take months if not years, according to officials, in the meantime the Passport Ministry has decided to temporarily classify all those dazed and confused with an “X” in their gender preference box (NPI).
“Some are in between gender changes, we call them ‘transitional’, some are delusional and want to have it both ways, and many are attracted to the same sex, although they claim ‘not in a gay way’
said a noted sex therapist.
“I can’t quite put me finger onnit, ” said famous proctologist, sociologist and therapist Sir Victor Nicholas, “but most of these seeking asylum seem really confused about their sexual makeup…even if they’re sporting the usual tackle and are keen on football.
Immigration officials said that despite long interviews and detailed psychological profiles, most of the desperate seekers ‘don’t know if they’re really coming or going…I think it’s a tribal thing, and of course the relaxation of gender identification in Parliament and all over the EU is just adding to their confusion” said Immigration Minister Percy Whistlewaite.
The minister mostly blamed the red tops in the UK for perpetuating the image of the amorphous Brit PM, cabinet minister, distant interbred Royals far from the throne and cross dressing MI6 agents charged with protecting the realm.
“The drinking problem probably has something to do with it too,” said the minister,’ when you get drunk and fall down with your shorts or knickers down about your ankles, you’re likely to get
F****d by most anybody with an urge, any port in a story, eh?”
A spokesman for the National Lampoon said from the Colonies, “it’s even got worse and is now infecting the previously straight world of satire. One can find woman writing as men, and men writing as women…I think they’re really, really, confused across the pond!”
Vice President Joe Biden, addressing an audience of visiting fisherman from Newfoundland studying democracy and the future of whaling said famously,”What’s the Big F****g deal….it all comes down to whether you have a C***k or a C***t..how you decide to use it, well, that’s up to the government to decide and I’m sure the Canadian government will come up with the right decision.”
President Obama said he is still ‘evolving’ on his opinion of gender identification saying “some of my best friends are amorphous…they can dribble, but they can’t shoot and I’m not sure Gay marriage will be recognized by the Quran if they can’t consummate it. I’ll be more flexible to discuss this after the election and I evolve a bit more.”
Retiring US congressman Barney Frank, said to be set to marry his latest partner, “give the government some credit. The Canadian Parliament is just as smart as our Congress…most of the time when a tough decision is required and ‘Given the complexity of the gender questions that elected officals must now manage, seat-of-the-pants-decision-making sneaks in where rational solutions fail. My best advice to Canadians is just to keep their thumb onnit, it’ll all come out in the end, eh!”