by Jalapenoman on 24/06/12 at 5:06 amLondon(UK) – (SatireWorld.com)
The London Olympics, which are currently running a deficit of hundreds of millions of Euros, may soon be profitable. The London Olympic Organizing Committee has announced plans for a special, pay per view event to be held one week before the Opening Ceremonies. That night, Pippa “the ass” Middleton will mud wrestle against the darling of the 2010 Winter Olympic Games, Swedish skater Ivana Phuque.
The event will be broadcast live on pay per view all around the world. It will take place at London’s Wembley Stadium, which has a seating capacity of 105,000 for concerts (more seating than the new Olympic stadium). With the lowest priced tickets selling at $120 (American dollars) each, ringside seats going for over $10,000 (American dollars) each, and pay per view prices at over $200 (American dollars) each, the match is expected to bring in over one billion dollars.
At the beginning of the wrestling match, Pippa will wear the white gown that made her behind the most famous on the planet and Ivana will wear the skin tight suit made sports fans the world over drool. Both will have had their clothing modified to be “tear away” for the spectacle and both will be required to wear only thong underwear underneath.
Broadcast networks in the United States have said that they know that cannot counterprogram against this inevitable ratings giant. Brad Tinkerbell of NBC said that “we’ll probably show old Facts of Life reruns or something. It really doesn’t matter because whatever we televise is going to have fewer watchers than a test pattern.”
As an added bonus, groundskeepers at Wembley Stadium have promised to use cold mud to “help things stand out for the viewing public.”
There were already plans by Great Britain and Sweden to have their “poster girls” participate in these Olympic Games. Pippa was already scheduled to carry the torch during the torch run (no truth to the rumor that she will set her dress on fire) and carry her country’s flag in the opening ceremonies. Ivana is participating in the pole vault, as she says that she is used to dealing with very long Poles (and other men) on a daily basis.
Should the Opening Ceremonies become boring, both have agreed that they might have a free mud wrestling rematch for viewers during the dull and lengthy March of Nations.
In Dallas, Texas, Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones has said that he will provide seating for the pay per view at his Cowboys Stadium. As the stadium features the world’s largest jumbotron monitors, the wrestlers will be seen in all their glory. Tickets are expected to sell out within minutes of the opening of sales on Monday.