Unemployed Harold Worth-Less Finds Jobs A Scarce Commodity

by on 18/09/12 at 8:23 am

Probably Harold’s one redeeeming feature is he’s not afraid to entertain. At a recent Friday night at the Rusty Fork Pub, Worth-Less took the microphone and belted out his rendition of Yellow Brick Road. Unfortunetly, he should’ve stopped at the little boy’s room before getting on stage.

Burlington(UK) – (SatireWorld.com)

Harold Worth-Less is a familiar figure at the job search center in downtown Burlington where for the past 17 years he’s been diligently looking for steady employment. Plagued with personal troubles holding a steady job, the errant factory worker averages 4 months of employment before management realizes he’s a poor performing liability rather than a money generating asset.

“They stack the cards against me!” Says Worth-Less to a group of mostly non-interested patrons at the Rusty Fork Pub where he consumes endless pints of imported Stella.” I know what your thinking, that I drink my job away just because you see me here in me pub, but they help me out by cashing me welfare check and gimmee a free one. My mates help to by keeping me glass always full”

According to friends, it has more to do with his last name he prints on the numerous resumes he sends out each week. “Let’s face it…Would you hire a middle-aged bloke called Worth-Less?”

It seems most employers agree.

In a recent survey of employers who said they are hiring in the nerxt 30 days, almost all agreed that names similar to Worth-Less are automatically rejected.

Extrusion Manufacturing Alliance head, Angus Firth, says he’s had some doozies in the 30 some years he screened new hires, “There was one chap called Phineas Kunt, one named Dick Hertz, and another one simply named Colonel Juan. Yes, they stand out as totally un-hireable. Now, throw in a some poor middle-aged sot with a name like Worth-Less, well, you see what I mean.”

Today, Worth-Less whiles away his free time by writing stories about himself and how life has kicked him in the teeth, in fact, he has few teeth left after a lifetime of smoking fags and actually blowing a few that had infectious diseases. In his recent book, Dorking..Where You Only Rent A Beer, Worth-Less wrote that he always lists as personal references the most popular pubs on his side of town, hoping an interviewer might find his humor right in line with the job offering.

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