Richard Simmons Embroiled In Vaginal Mesh Suit Says: Don’t Call Me “Dick” For Short!

by on 01/03/13 at 8:10 am

Ambassador Richard Simmons stayed at his Dad's house In Portsmouth for several days. In this photo he's caught frolicked in the garden for several hours while looking for a toad to kiss.

Ambassador Richard Simmons stayed at his Dad’s house In Portsmouth for several days. In this photo he’s caught frolicked in the garden for several hours while looking for a toad to French kiss.

London (UK) – ( – Obama ambassador appointee to England, Richard Simmons, made a big splash in the House of Commons yesterday where Speaker John Bercow introduced him to a huge crowd of gay staffers saying “And now, heeeeeres Dick!”

According to reporters, who were not gay, Ms/Mr. Simmons did not take the introduction kindly, making it the second time in the week that Bercow had committed a faulty gender introduction.

Just days ago he introduced a legendary sports star as having ‘come out of the closet’ despite the fact he was the father of two children in the more un conventional Brit manner, that is to say
he mated with a member of the opposite sex.

Despite the gaffe, Simmons roused the crowd to a level of excitement not seen since Carla Tritingham announced she had given up her gay lover for Chris Huhne and volunteered to become his designated driver after he plead guilty to making his wife take his speeding points in a major British scandal.

His case was made more impossible after the speaker’s wife, Sally, tweeted, “did the fact Chris was sexting whilst driving lead to Carla’s long puss?”

That tweet, according to libel barristers, could cost her another $75,000, in addition to her trashing an innocent politician on false pedophile charges.

Following a stand up comic routine Simmons got the assembled all on their tippy toes, and led them in an invigorating exercise game of ‘Simmons Sez’ where he managed to trick all of them
using slight of hand, and erotic body movements while the Disney theme of ‘Alice in Wonderland’ played in the background.

Whilst many figured Simmons might have been the wrong pick for the job one MP said,”he sure is better than that Anna Wintour babe…we see enough of Michelle on the telly over here, we don’t need her hair (sic) apparent over here on the Beeb!”

Simmons is proving to be quite adept at winning over the skeptical Brit populace, making the rounds of pubs and introducing himself while buying rounds at the bar.

A spokesman for Simmons said that the flaming fitness guru will be changing his name whilst in his post to one more popular in the UK.

“From now on, you can call me STELLA, just consider me one of the boys,” he reportedly told a group of inebriated Manchester United Fans on a night out on the town.

Leaving an establishment at closing with a group of fans from Dorking he was heard telling them, “I’m up for a bit of fun boys, just mind me gap I’m still suffering some post op discomfort!”

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