Manchester Man Arrested For Lewd Activities Has Record As Registered Sex Offender

by on 13/07/13 at 3:24 pm

"Lowtun did complain to witnesses that the octupus's quarter inch wide mouth was "too damned big to really get me rocks off!"

“Lowtun did complain to witnesses that the octupus’s quarter inch wide mouth was “too damned big to really get me rocks off!”

Manchester(UK) – (SatireWorld.com)

Police in Manchester, England have learned that the man they arrested for having sex in public with pool toys has a longer criminal record than they thought. Originally, they only did a background check of his record in the United Kingdom. Now, however, they have learned that Mark Lowtun was previously arrested on an overseas trip “across the pond” to San Francisco on the west coast of The United States.

Mark Lowtun, owner and editor of the popular on line humor magazine “The Spoor” was arrested in July of 2007 for attempting to smuggle a bag of sex toys into a Catholic boys orphanage. On his arrest, the man with the handlebar mustache and brown raincoat screamed to witnesses “they’re male privacy gadgets! They’re male privacy gadgets!”

A further search of Mr. Lowtun’s bag at the time of his California arrest revealed a receipt showing that the Octopus toys had been purchased from Filbert Merchandise in Hollywood, California in the name of Michael Jackson.

In addition to the pictured octopus toy, there were also several birth control devices and bottles of lubricant. There was also an address found in his pocket to the San Francisco address of a Thomas Craig or Craig Thomas, a man who was the janitor at a local peep show back in 1987. Investigation found that this individual was an employee of Lowtun’s, but could not be connected to these sex toys.

Craig/Thomas could not be contacted to comment on this story six years later as he was reportedly out dressed as a dog named Skippy and sniffing bicycle seats.

Writers at Lowtun’s magazine in 1987 were shocked. One, named Buck (who refused to reveal his last name but was rumored to live in the Los Angeles area) said “Boy’s orphans? They haven’t got vaginas, have they? Is this anywhere near Paris? Can I see the pictures?”

Lowtun was found guilty, sentenced to time served, and forced to register as a sex offender in the United States (which he has stated has since helped him “score with soccer lads looking for a guy who knows how to have a good time”).

Police in Manchester have now started looking at other countries to discover if Mark Lowtun has a larger criminal record and to see if he really is a serial sexual toy offender.



One Response to “Manchester Man Arrested For Lewd Activities Has Record As Registered Sex Offender”

  1. Bargis

    Jul 13th, 2013

    Ahhhhhh One for the Gipper!

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