by Mark Lowton on 04/05/14 at 6:12 am
London(UK) – (satireWorld.com)
The latest disclosures from the London Stock Exchange shocked stockholders of a world-famous brewery who thought their holdings were squeaky clean, but revealtions have sent stock prices tumbling when it was learned infamous pedophile and pervert Jimmy Savile not only worked there part-time as a beer keg bung-hole sealer.
Estate spokesman for the late Savile, Ian Young, claims he didn’t know and will immediately divest himself of all holdings and drink a more modest Mexican beer that isn’t tainted with scandal. According to Young, who’s the son of the late entertainer, “I almost gagged on me Stella when I heard the news! In fact, the earliest memories of me Da were of gagging while my hands were tied”
Friends comforted the sorry lad as his once flag ship brand of beer no longer held the appeal it once had before. One friend, a Bolivian gentleman who once worked along with Young, put it best…”The old sot is literally crying in his beer over this revelation. Quite frankly, images of Savile corn-holing the brewmaster while he stirred the brew in the fermenting tank has given me second thoughts about even drinking any beer from now on!”
Others have now come forward with tales of late night frolicking on the beer packaging line where filled bottles were used in less than an appropriate manner. In fact, it was several years ago where the bottler started using the trademark ‘foil sealed caps’ in an attempt to cover up tell-tale markings of where the bottles were placed before boxing.
The manufacturer has denied the events ever happened and claims it was ‘another Savile’ (Bob Savile) that once worked the graveyard shift as a bung-hole sealer.