by Optic Nerve on 16/09/14 at 2:12 pm
Malibu, CA – (satireworld.com)
To the crowd at Moonshadows bar in Malibu, Mel Gibson seemed pretty happy tonight as he adjusted his shoulder lenght hairpiece. Hitched up the waistband of his tartan kilt. While hoisting a dull silver tankard of Dark Island Ale high in his left hand…Leaving the Scottish broadsword firmly grasped in his right. Just two hours ago the BBC announced that Scotland has asked Mel Gibson to be their next President.
For the past few hours the upbeat crowd of locals cheered the news that a neighbor and pub regular made good by making history. Others have been busy toasting the actor while keeping one eye on the glum BBC news anchor on the wide screen TV as the Scottish Referendum for independence flashed snippets of poll exit results, a short speech by the Queen, and footage of sodden, downcast English faces.
“Hey Mel….What’s gonna happen with Edinborough and Balmoral Castle?” Asks a man later indentified as a local cable TV installer.
“Aye! We keep it and throw queenie and her snot rag son out on their arse!” Quips Gibson as the crowds yells their support.
“Hey Mel..Ya gonna keep the kilt-thingy?
“Well, if I take it off the twat’s will lock me butt up again you know!” The crowd roared their approval as the reference to his last arrest which was the result of a late night party at the Moonshadows.
“Anyway, you can be sure of this. The Wankers at Stirling mighta kicked our arses, but now we get our revenge!”
“So, Mel what do you say to another drink?”
“Aye, drink and you may get drunk. Run home and you will sober up at least for awhile. And probably die in your bed many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for just one chance, just one more chance, to drink enough, and I mean drink way enough that even old Edna over there sitting alone in the corner actually looks like a banger?”