Online Magazine Voted ‘Most Awful’ For The Second Year In A Row

by on 29/12/14 at 7:46 am

Cafe Spike's only fan, Kneesha Hamilton, age 20 says she likes Shuttlecock's articles about living the black experience and how conservatives are always wrong. She's obviously unaware that Shuttlecock is a dweeby white dude who once claimed he saved used cigarette filters to make tampons for the Portsmouth, UK's squirrel population.

Cafe Spike’s only American fan, Kneesha Hamilton says she likes Shuttlecock’s articles about living the ‘black experience’ not aware that Shuttlecock is a dweeby white dude who once claimed he recycled used cigarette filters to make tampons for the Portsmouth, UK’s squirrel population.

Nice try Editor  Martin Shuttlecock! Even with a disguise, it's easy to recognize terrible talent....

Nice try Editor Martin Shuttlecock!
Even with a disguise, it’s easy to recognize terrible talent and a poor attempt at humor….

Portsmouth, UK – (

For the second year in a row, Viral Magazine has voted a UK online publication Cafe Spike ‘the worst piece of trash since the ‘Lady Godiva Chronicles’ a similar online magazine from Canada which won the ‘most bizarre’ prize in 2010.

“Sadly, from the very first peek you know it’s a pure rubbish writing. The website’s first look has the appeal of technology done-on-the-cheap which gives the site a year 2000 look. Thankfully, it doesn’t let the reader down once they read a few paragraphs of the wordy drivel, usually because that’s as far as most dare go,” says Glenn Morgan senior review chief for Viral Magazine who gave it a Five Pinched-nose Award for being a true stinker website.

The online magazine, Cafe Spike, is the brainchild of Britisher Ian Youngs, aka editor Martin Shuttlecock, a self-acknowledged ‘has-been’ who has bantered about between real jobs for several years.

Youngs recently was instrumental in a failed literary project called The Dorking Review, a supposed ‘communal satire project’ that sold 114 copies and earned the title of ‘the worst use of paper since the Neville Chamberlain endorsed peace agreement.’

As with the Dorking Review, Shuttlecock draws on the talents of many of the UK’s past prime satire writers to fill online pages with ‘humor’ articles that are best described as long-winded knock-knock jokes and about as exciting too.

Perhaps the saddest part of the whole Cafe Spike debacle is the attempt by Shuttlecock to ‘pad up’ his supposed reader contributed forum by pretending to be a online reader and then bantering back and forth with himself in an attempt to portray avid readership interest, when in fact, it’s just a sad commentary about a tired old man whose capacity to write humor dissolved into a swirl of stale beer and cheap cigarettes a long time ago. For the sake of humanity, Shuttlecock has shut down the forum section due to inactivity and festering reader contempt glossed with ironic laughter.

About the only pale of excitement of the rather thin offering for readers on the Cafe Spike site is the rambling diatribe of a writer who calls himself Frankie E Jordan.

Jordan’s use of potty mouth metaphors supports a rather dismal portrayal of a troubled writer that has deep emotional shortcomings. One that has to rely on the use of merit less and biased anger to get a rather thin point of view across to what most would call a mindless reader base. Reading between the lines one sees the real aim of Jordan who’s pointless re-hash of merit less political complaining leave little doubt he’s merely a left over 1960’s burnout desperate for a last hurrah tempered with a liberal dose of pain medication.

The only bright light of true talent lies with a writer named Lyton Cox who actually places enough true thought and dry humor into what he writes. In fact, it would be better if he was the editor and chief contributor of the Cafe Spike instead of the troll-like and most predictable Shuttlecock.

The rest of the site’s contributors are basically unmentionable and would be considered also-has-beens in a writer stable that would best be used for plowing fallow fields with a bag of oats upon their faces…At least the outcome would fertilize some crops.

Last winter the Cafe Spike website was the laughing stock of a Bill O’Reilly (The O’Reilly Factor) Talking Points segment when he read a recent Cafe Spike article where Shuttlecock touted the benefits of having underage sex with boys and girls, collecting free entitlements under the British Welfare System for scores of years, and the fun of alcohol binge drinking in local pubs until asked to leave by disgruntled and disgusted patrons.


For those of you wishing to receive a purely visual and mental enema visit

3 Responses to “Online Magazine Voted ‘Most Awful’ For The Second Year In A Row”

  1. Captain america

    Dec 29th, 2014

    there is a bright side….at least they’re not trolling other sites!

    As Martin told his wankers….keep yer thumb onnit mates…
    I’ll jist get me kleenix!

  2. Lavon

    Feb 27th, 2017

    That’s a wise answer to a tricky quoitsen

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