CafeSpike Voted ‘Most Awful’ Online Magazine For The Second Year In A Row

by on 10/05/15 at 5:55 am

David Cameron mentioned that his party was aware of CafeSpike and will   look into the source of its leftist political leanings in a few months.

David Cameron mentioned that his party was aware of CafeSpike and says most of his cabinet read the site to relieve constipation.


Shuttlecock's father James Saville refused to read any stories from CafeSpike saying ...."The stories just make me sick.  I just can't believe  this untalented person is from my loins!"

Shuttlecock’s father James Saville refused to read any stories from CafeSpike saying ….”The stories just make me sick. I just can’t believe this untalented person is from me loins!”


Editor Martin Shuttlecock has started to wear a disguise when venturing outdoors after pundits blasted his attempt at a launching a humorous online magazine which flopped and has only shown lukewarm popularity in Nigeria.

Editor Martin Shuttlecock has started to wear a disguise when venturing outdoors after pundits blasting his attempt at a launching a less-than-humorous online magazine. The magazine flopped commercially and has only shown lukewarm popularity in Nigeria and Chad.

Portsmouth, UK – (satireworld.com)

For the second year in a row, Viral Magazine has voted a UK online publication Cafe Spike ‘the worst piece of trash since the ‘Lady Godiva Chronicles’ a similar online magazine from Canada which won the ‘Most Bizarre’ prize in 2010.

“Sadly, from the very first peek you know it’s a pure rubbish writing. The reader’s first look at the website gives the impression of technology done-on-the-cheap giving the site a year 2000 retro look.

“Thankfully, it doesn’t let the reader down once they read a few paragraphs of the wordy drivel, usually because that’s as far as most dare go,” says Glenn Morgan senior reviewer chief for Viral Magazine who gave it a Five Pinched-nose Award for being a true stinker website.

The online magazine, Cafe Spike, is the brainchild of British editor Martin Shuttlecock, a self-acknowledged ‘has-been’ who has made an honest attempt at employment in recent years, but at each instant had ‘caught some bad luck’ which lead to career reversals.

Youngs recently was instrumental in a failed literary project called The Dorking Review, a supposed ‘communal satire project’ that sold 14 copies worldwide and earned the Amazon.com title of ‘the worst use of paper since Barack Obama’s ‘Yes We Can’ campaign slogan posters.’

As with the Dorking Review, Shuttlecock draws on the talents of many of the UK’s past prime satire writers to fill the CafeSpike’s online pages with ‘humor’ articles that are best described as long-winded Sudanese knock-knock jokes from 1960 and about as exciting too.

Perhaps the saddest part of the whole Cafe Spike debacle is the attempt by Shuttlecock to ‘pad up’ his supposed online reader contributed forum section by pretending to be a online reader and then bantering back and forth with himself. In reality, it’s just an attempt to portray avid readership interest, when in fact, it’s just a sad commentary about a tired old man whose capacity to write humor dissolved into a swirl of stale beer and cheap cigarettes a long time ago. For the sake of humanity, Shuttlecock has shut down the forum section due to inactivity and festering reader contempt glossed with ironic laughter.

About the only pale of excitement of the rather thin offering for readers on the Cafe Spike site is the rambling diatribe of a writer who calls himself Frankie E Jordan.

Jordan’s use of potty mouth metaphors supports a rather dismal portrayal of a troubled writer that has deep emotional shortcomings. One that has to rely on the use of merit less and biased anger to get a rather thin point of view across to what most would call a mindless reader base. Reading between the lines one sees the real aim of Jordan who’s pointless re-hash of merit less political complaining leave little doubt he’s merely a left over 1960’s burnout desperate for a last hurrah tempered with a liberal dose of pain medication.

The only bright light of true talent lies with a writer named Lynton Cox who actually places enough true thought and dry humor into what he writes. In fact, it would be better if he was the editor and chief contributor of the CafeSpike instead of the troll-like and most predictable Shuttlecock. May we suggest Shuttlecock retire to the janitor’s closet and just tidy up the place?

The rest of the site’s contributors are basically unmentionable and would be considered also-has-beens in a writer stable that would best be used for plowing fallow fields with a bag of oats upon their faces…At least the outcome would help fertilize some crops.

Last winter the Cafe Spike website was the laughing stock of a Bill O’Reilly (The O’Reilly Factor) Talking Points segment when he read a recent Cafe Spike article where Shuttlecock touted the benefits of having underage sex with boys and girls, collecting free entitlements under the British Welfare System for scores of years, and the fun of alcohol binge drinking in local pubs until asked to leave by disgruntled and disgusted patrons.

As you might guess after reading a recent front page editorial, editor Shuttlecock has been ravaged by the surprising British election results where conservatives have firmly taken control of the country’s future, adding disappointment to the Labour Party followers like Shuttlecock who hoped their charade would’ve lasted until the British Isles were firmly turned into a third world immigration center with 100% unemployment.

Perhaps the most telling story about Shuttlecock’s political leanings was a recent article where he was ‘amazed ‘ after viewing the USS Theodore Roosevelt and her battle group (one of 11 United States super carrier groups) which was anchored offshore Portsmouth, UK. The massive carrier arrived there in order to to deter Russian Badger bomber over-flights from rattling the nervous British citizenry. Of course, what Shuttlecock left out of his article was the British mini-version and only version aircraft carrier doesn’t exist and it’s at the expense of US taxpayers that Britain is secure. Because of that costly effort by US naval personnel their tea cups don’t rattle on their fine bone china saucers when hosting parties where they complain about British defense spending and the lack of more social programs.

HAROLD WORTH

For those of you wishing to receive a purely visual and mental enema visit www.cafespike.com



2 Responses to “CafeSpike Voted ‘Most Awful’ Online Magazine For The Second Year In A Row”

  1. Bargis

    May 10th, 2015

    Shuttlecock? Odd sort he is. The only white guy I know that thinks he’s black! Don’t turn your back on him!

  2. Bargis

    May 10th, 2015

    OK Carole, I think we got it.

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