by Ali Baba on 21/09/15 at 8:01 am
Paris, France – (satireworld.com)
French politicians recently approved a measure that would allow massive buttocks smelling ceremonies usually held on Friday afternoons in various public parts of the French capitol. According to well placed sources, the event was discouraged at first when children as young as five-years old were noticed walking among the participants. Some facial injuries were reported and prompted the speedy crackdown. (no pun intended) Repeated warnings were ignored and finally, with a 100% approving vote, the measure was brought up in a binding resolution, than passed as French law.
Ali Kupta, a spokesman for the French Alliance Of Bum Sniffers, once issued a formal complaint with the French Parliament, but so far his formal petition has been tabled since lawmaker’s approval. Muslim citizens claim the old law was discriminatory and aimed primarily at those who practiced Islam as a religion. Some religious leaders had offered to compromise and hold their events out of the public eye, but a Islamic backlash forced the new law to cover to all public areas of the country. Recent waves of middle eastern immigrants pressured lawmakers into a compromise in order to forestall violence. According to leftist Jacque Pernois, “We had to do something to satisfy these people!”
The F.A.B.S touts membership roles of about 13.4 million middle eastern men who reside in France under a formal work visa arrangement with Syria, Egypt, Iraq, Libya, and Iran.
Though pleased, Kupta previously resolved to keep the tradition alive, even if it means having members practice their faith by commuting to London where a fair amount of Londoners practice the ceremony without government sanctions, nor fear of arrest. In fact, non Muslim Londoners have taken public butt smelling to heart and has become somewhat of a trend among young wealthy hipsters.
In London, Prime Minister David Cameron wholeheartedly endorsed the visiting FABS, and immediately announced a new series of regulations and permit fees. According to staffers, an official British license would have to be obtained prior to any organized sniff-in, and a special area will be cordoned off barring minors from participating.
In the British spirit of all encompassing religious tolerance and political correctness, Cameron said he’d attend the first organized ‘sniff-in’ providing he can obtain some knee pads first so in order to…”Not foul my trousers.”