by Oleg Penkovsky on 05/08/16 at 12:30 pm
London, UK – (SatireWorld.com)
There was heavy disruption close to Heathrow Airport this morning when a group of grossly corpulent activists chained themselves to the freeway in protest at police law enforcement of local gang thuggery.
Dozens of mostly obese activists were reported to have linked arms (Kalashnikovs? AK-47s? Hand-held rocket launchers?? – ‘Ed’) before plunging their limbs into piles of quick-dry ready-mix concrete in a bid to screw over airport-bound traffic during the morning’s rush hour.
Further similar protests were reported at UK regional airport hubs including Nottingham, Birmingham and Manchester – where one 25-stone woman dressed in see-thru leggings and a pink feather boa caused traffic mayhem when her intense body heat began melting the tarmac.
An official statement issued at lunchtime said protesters were satisfied they’d caused huge tailbacks on the Tunnel Road East approach road from the M4 motorway into Heathrow and ‘could now relax’ for an hour or two to consume a drone-delivery of their favorite grub.
CCTV footage from Highway Patrol screened on local TV News showed an airdrop of two hundredweight of hot cross buns, a 100-gallon barrel of Scrumpy Cack cider as well as a load of baked potatoes from South London farmyard supplies chain Crud-U-Like.
Needless to say supplies were soon gobbled up by the famished lardarses who promptly fell asleep after gorging themselves stupid.
A 4pm delivery of low-fat gluten-free ice cream is expected to arrive in three crude oil container trucks.