London Jewel Heist Cops Probe Royal Engagement Bling

by on 07/02/18 at 9:43 am

Scotland Yard proudly displays Queen Elizabeth's Golden Douche bag included with some recovered loot found at Maury's Pawn and Quick Lube in New Hyde Park.

Scotland Yard proudly displays Queen Elizabeth’s Golden Douche bag included with some recovered loot found at Maury’s Pawn and Quick Lube in New Hyde Park.

London – (SatireWorld.com) – Police on the trail of £30 millionsworth of jewelry from the Hatton Garden heist have issued artist’s impressions of several engagement sparklers suspected of being fenced into eager royal hands.

2015’s notorious City theft saw half a dozen robbers tunnel their way into an underground safe deposit box strongroom before looting its contents over an extended holiday weekend.

The six – all septuagenarians with previous in armed robbery – were eventually caught and sentenced to decades in the slammer for what His Honor the Judge described as a bloody audacious act.

“Some of the missing loot looks like it’s now back in the spotlight,” a Serious & Organised Crime source told SatireWorld reporters amid a rash of royal engagement headlines featuring celebrity Z-Listers.

And other misguided snouts-in-the-trough trash.

A spokesperson for Queen Elizardbirth at Buckingham Palace said ‘F**k orf you bastards’ when asked for a comment on this farce breaking story.

Prince Harry’s pawn broker is laughing all the way to the bank.



Leave a Reply