Senator Chuck Revealed to be Owner of Schumer’s Bloomers

by on 08/10/18 at 5:00 pm

According to Chuck, his top seller is a pair of white underpants with wide elastic band. Like all others, they are pre-skidded, a big favorite among older Democrats from Brooklyn.

According to Chuck, his top seller is a pair of white underpants with a wide elastic band. Like all others they are pre-skidded, a big favorite among older Democrats from Brooklyn.

Ex-Schumer's Bloomers model Sheila Jackson says her favorite are the transparent edible panties. She claims her husband  like them with BBQ sauce on the side.

Ex-Schumer’s Bloomers model Sheila Jackson says her favorite are the transparent edible panties in chartreuse. She claims her husband Leroy likes them with St. Louis BBQ sauce on the side.

Brooklyn, NY – (satireworld.com)

The source of the Schumer family fortune has been found with the discovery that New York Democratic Senator Charles Ellis “Chuck” Schumer is secretly the owner of Schumer’s Bloomers, a woman’s lingerie store located throughout Western Europe.  Not only is the Senator the owner, but is also the President, founder, designer, model, and a customer.  The company, which makes women’s bloomers (generally referred to as panties or knickers) is bigger in the United Kingdom than other lingerie locations such as Victoria’s Secret.

Even though Schumer graduated from Harvard Law and passed the bar exam, his career has been spent in politics and in women’s pants (sometimes the same thing).

The Senator is apparently partial to old fashioned bloomers when he is on Congressional floor or in a three piece suit.  On his off days or when he is relaxing, however, Chuck admitted that he enjoys the freedom and breathability of a thong.

Shumer has been making women’s panties since he first took homemaking class in high school and enjoyed the look of women’s underwear (over men’s).

The largest customers of Schumer’s Bloomers, not surprisingly, are the teams and fans of the English Premier League.  “Those soccer players just love the way that our lacy pink silk panties make them feel like sexy women,” admitted the Senator.  “Those guys from Man U. (Manchester United) have just signed a contract to model our products and be our commercial spokesmen.”

Chuck also admitted that “most of the Democratic women in the House and the Senate are also customers and support my company (and, of course, they get a special discount).  I can’t sell Hillary Clinton the split crotch panties because her balls are always falling out.”

Schumer’s cousin, actress Amy Schumer, has admitted that getting free lingerie her entire life has always been a bonus, but “I hope I’m not wearing any of the ones that Chuck tried on.”

 



3 Responses to “Senator Chuck Revealed to be Owner of Schumer’s Bloomers”

  1. Philbert of Macadamia

    Oct 9th, 2018

    Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY) is definitely a Bloomer idiot!

    Hillary has applied for a modeling job with Victorio’s Secret, exhibiting the “split crotch panties” design! Initial modelling try outs happening during Bill and Hillary’s road trip!.

  2. Bargis

    Oct 9th, 2018

    Yewwwwwww That’s mental image that is truly gross!

  3. Philbert of Macadamia

    Oct 9th, 2018

    GOTCHA!

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