by Bargis on 12/01/11 at 12:53 pm
An Exclusive to the Hog Jaw Chronicle and Executioner
(SatireWorld.com)The Hog Jaw town hall hadn’t been filled this full since the Little Bobby Smith trial where Bobby accused Bubba Larson of corn holing him behind the Esso Station back in 1954!
Many of Hog Jaws citizens were holding handmade signs, shouting, and giving the middle finger to the Town Council, and especially at Mayor Henry Blather who dabbed his handkerchief at the sweat beads forming on his pasty white brow. Sheriff Keith Barnes was there to keep order.
The topic that brought almost 125 citizens to City Hall was a variance request submitted by big city builders C & C Builders. The request was to build a 125,000 square foot mosque out on State Road 477. Contentious residents feared an influx of foreigners and women ‘dressed like Zorro’ who would possibly aid and enable terrorists who could do great harm to Hog Jaw.
Life long resident Bill Jones expressed his anger by holding up a piece of carpet he brought from his flooring shop. “Hey! Do you want these people coming here and flying in on one of these things?”
Another resident had a similar worry, 92 year-old May Cunningham expressed her fears that, ‘camels would be all over the roads!’
Perhaps the biggest complaint was the building’s main feature, a 24 story minaret complete with a 14 electronic speaker system and a red flashing strobe light.
People suddenly became quiet when the leader of the demonstration, veterinarian Bertram Hayes, began to speak. “Y’all be hearing that gull durn cat music blaring from that clock tower of theirs 24 hours a day! We gotta stop this nonsense or before ya know it, we’ll have cats coming all the way from Drippy Dick Springs jus to see what’s all the fuss and hollerin’ is about!”
Most at the meeting seemed to worry about personal safety and the threat that a ‘suicide bomber’ might try to pull some funny stuff in town. Mayor Blather proposed a resolution that ‘all them muslim fellers would only be allowed in town if they were naked and we could see if they were carrying anything funny on them.’
The resolution passed.