by Bargis on 13/01/11 at 4:54 am
NSA Headquarters, Washington, DC
Agents at the NSA have finally broken an ultra secret code that has thwarted the intelligence agency for almost 25 years. The suspect breach of national security was discovered during a Congressional speech that was televised in 1985. The 45 minute speech was given by then Congresswomen Nancy Pelosi as she addressed the Congressional Investigative Committee for Unidentified Flying Objects.
Sharp-eyed agents noticed the rapid and often irratic blinking of the congresswoman’s eyes and fed the sequences into a Cray super computer. The results showed it to be a similar flashing light code used by hovering UFO flying saucers first recorded in 1949 and again in the Spielberg movie, Close Encounters of the Third Kind.
Special agent William Fisk showed reporters how the blinking eye code reflected the playing of a Beatles Rubber Soul album backwards as the prime code source. Once the two codes were inter-played a secret message was revealed.
Tracing back all recorded Pelosi Blinks, the agency was able to piece together some flash transmission messages from the last 25 years.
April 1989: ‘It’s either hot in here or I’m hitting menopause.’
February 1991: ‘Bill Clinton wants me to have sex with him according to a note I received at lunch.’
June 1996: ‘I really have to take a dump bad and this interview is lasting forever!’
September 1999: ‘These shoes are killing me.’
When all the code words are strung together, agents feel Pelosi was contacting a UFO Mother Ship and directing them to add special poisons to the world’s drinking water supply. Pelosi will be forced to wear dark glasses when addressing Congress from now on.