by captain america on 31/01/11 at 8:32 amCairo, Egypt-(satireworld.com)
In a last ditch effort to save his Presidency, Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak reached out to the US promising to appoint Hillary Clinton to head up his new government, monitor the redistribution of wealth to the unemployed population, and provide new prayer rugs on a liberal trade in allowance scheme featuring ‘cash back.’
Only VP Joe Biden has made any public statement on the incendiary situation, saying , “Hosni is no Dictator,” as thousands of Egyptians took to the street in the US to support family members in the “Homeland” over draconian rule.
The State Department has been strangely quiet, not unexpectedly, since no one lurking there can find their own arse with both hands. A spokesman said Secretary of State Clinton was not aware of Mubarak’s latest proposal, but even if she was, there was a scheduling conflict as Hillary had already planned to visit sunny Haiti on behalf of her husband, Bill, who needed help counting a mountain of Aid Money getting moldy in hastily thrown up temporary storage facilities by the Army Corp of Engineers.
Despite $2M in US aid since 1979, Egypt Strong Man President for Life Mubarak is sagging in the popularity polls as the new action thriller, “Revenge of the Mummy” plays out in the the street theater of Egypt!
Sharia law is now threatening to take over as thousands of stone throwing Egyptians have turned out to protest Mubarak’s rule, loot shops, burn private homes, free prisoners, and damage the infrastructure in preparation to turning the country over to the “Muslim Brotherhood”, linking them with Iran, Lebanon, Tunisia and Jordan as they gather their forces for an all out assault on Israel and a WWIII Jihad!
In power for 30 years, Murbarak , say horror show critics, has not kept up with the times, and his act began wearing thin for a population which sports near 9 % unemployment and does not have the oil resources of it’s richer neighbors the Iranians and the Saudis, but does have the largess of the American Government, thanks wholly to the American Tax payer.
Despite reports as far back as the Bush Administration which pressed Mubarak to ‘lighten up’ and allow some dissent as well as social and economic reforms for the middle class, Egypt has been known more or less as a police state.
With no middle class support, Mubarak’s prime competitor to rule the country now appears to be “The Muslim Brotherhood” which can only bode ill for the region, as well as the rest of the world in the tinder box of the Middle East.
Reports are swirling that Mubarak’s two sons, their families and a convoy of gold bullion has already left the country for the UK to join Tunisia’s recently deposed first family, and are ensconced on a rambling estate ‘in close proximity’ to Wikileaks founder Julian Assange, and Kalish El al-BaBoom, a 25 year old Somali pirate who was granted asylum after British judges said his life would be endangered if he was returned to Somalia and later killed or captured by the South Korean government seeking justice for a recent pirate attack.
Coalition government officials are also ‘mum’ on the situation, but a member of the Labour Party said the infusion of massive amounts of gold, and unbridled shopping by family members of the deposed governments had boosted spending in the UK by at least .05% and countered recent weather events that had brought the economy to a stand still and threatened to cut at least one meal a day from seniors living out their last days in the NHS system.
Contacted in Scotland, former Prime Minister of the Labour Party Gordon Brown proclaimed smugly, “See…I told you immigration was good!”
Reports are now circulating that Mubarak has seen the writing on the wall, and has retired to his Pyramid along with his embalming staff, and 756 rolls of duct tape as he prepares for the afterlife saying only, “Just wait for the sequel…”Return of the Mummy”…coming soon to the streets near you!”