by captain america on 24/02/11 at 4:26 amLos Angeles,Ca/ Doomsday News -(satireworld.com)
In yet another apocalyptic scenario, the History Channel reported last night that after the earthquake in New Zealand, the end is near for most of California and the nation’s butt crack is doomed to slide off into the pacific.
Weather channel minister of doom, Jim Cantori, known by fans as “Dr. Death”, narrated the special quoting historical documents from as far back as 20 A.D. prophesying the cataclysmic event.
Appearing in a full length Kevlar rain suit, and clinging to a swaying telephone pole while a horde of Venice, Ca. surfers engaged in ‘riding a big tube’ (oops), celebrated what Cantori said was their last days on earth.
“Sure, there may be a few dingleberries left clinging to their liberal flotsam, but for the most part the left ass cheek of the US will finally disappear into the annuls of history, along with the Mayans and other religious fanatics who made the mistake of praying to a false God!”
Reports of the impending catastrophe sent the stock market soaring. A Government spokesman said that with the loss of the entire left coast contingent, health care, the penal system, illegal immigrants and yes, the harvest mouse, would no longer be a drain on the entire continents economy.
White House insiders say when Obama heard the news “he turned white as a sheet,” as he was just recovering from the news that taxpayers are revolting against Union extortionists holding states hostage and threatening to kill the cash cow that feeds the liberal democrat party through vote buying.
Luckily for sports fans, the Oakland Raiders and San Francisco 49ers had moved their stadiums and conservative fan base to Boise, Idaho, and Iowa City, Iowa. Said Wack Job Raider’s Owner Al Davis, “well, attendance is down out here in the sticks, but at least I have a team to screw around with! That’s more than Commissar Obama can say after losing half his constituency, Nancy Pelosi, Barbara Boxer, Diane Feinstein and all his union slush fund money!”