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Obama and Calderon Cement New Open Border Policy With a Toke and a Pint!

by captain america on 04/03/11 at 11:32 am

The White House-(SatireWorld.com)

Obama and Mexico President Felipe “The Butcher of Tijuana” Calderon announced a new trade pact today as the two strongmen exchanged gifts at the White House celebrating The United States of Mexico.

While Obama only allowed one question from pool ‘reporters’ after the meeting, and that question was related to the status of the NFL labor negotiations, and not about the recent murder of at least two DEA agents in Mexico, the White House released pertinent details of the trade agreement that will not face Congressional Approval, as Obama has made it clear in recent days that HE will decide America’s policy and not the Supreme Court, or a duly elected Congress.

Obama presented Calderon with a case of “White House Honey Ale”, allegedly brewed in the White House by members of the First Lady’s staff from’ White House Honey Bee’s,’ also known as interns during the Clinton Administration and as “Arkansas Sap Suckers.”

Calderon, in reciprocating, presented the President and the First Lady with a Kilo of the latest crop of
‘Acapulco Gold’, said to be the purest marijuana ever produced, with the baggie featuring portraits of Obama and Calderon embracing under a white angelic cloud.

According to the press release, Obama finally approved the 1994 NAFTA agreement to let Mexican long haul truckers on American highways in order to speed up distribution of Mexico’s biggest exports, illegal aliens and home grown Mexican Drugs. The move was supported by the Teamsters, who have sent organizers into Mexico promising higher wages and “green cards” leading to US citizen ship ‘in about 6 months.”

Based on praise from the Secretary of State concerning Calderon’s efforts to curtail crime in Mexico by encouraging Cartel Members to move across the border into the US,thereby holding murders to only about 34,000 in his country, and assurances by Homeland Security Chief Janet Napilatano that ‘the borders are safer than ever’, Obama reinforced his mandate that law enforcement agents who do cross border investigations not be allowed to carry firearms to defend themselves.

Obama also reinforced his mandate that Border Agents faced with armed cartel members in the US first fire ‘bean bags’ at Mexican Criminals armed with AK-47′s, a mandate that led to the death of one agent in a recent confrontation who was riddled with automatic weapons fire when he ran out of bean bags and his bean bag gun made by toy maker Mattel under a $125M government earmark from VP “GI” Joe Biden jammed.

Insiders say Obama was more than pleased with the deal, and one went so far as to say “the President was higher than a kite….I never saw him so euphoric since the day Hawaii said he was born there but they had misplaced his birth certificate!”

Later in the day Attorney General Eric Holder, after grabbing a hit from a joint sent over by Michelle, said the Department of Justice would be intensifying their efforts to shut down the state of Arizona’s efforts to curtail illegal aliens and the billion dollar drain on the state’s economy.

Holder indicated he and Napilatano were considering using High Speed Rail money turned down by 3 states who said the proposal was an ‘endless sewer’, into funds to build a wall around Arizona in order to prevent the state from expelling any illegals including ‘felons’ as a direct violation of ‘their human rights.’

Holder was unavailable for questioning on the matter as he was off for a 10 junket to Brussels to meet with the EU council of Ministers to discuss voting rights for jailed felons, free vacations for welfare recipients,
and the US’s ‘outlandish’ policy of evicting trespassers who squatted in homes owned by mortgage and taxpaying US citizens.

Mexico now has a bigger Air Force and Navy than Great Britain thanks to the EU, and Obama has been heard to say that after the implementation of UK Health Care Policies, he will be working on the country’s
Armed Services ‘Problem.’