Monica Lewinsky Turns 50 Years Old This Month. Bill Clinton Will Not Be Sending A Card.
by Buckwheatsbutt on 11/04/11 at 2:37 pm
New York, NY-(SatireWorld.com)
Fifty years old. Can you believe it ? It seems like only yesterday, She was crawling around the White House Oval Office on her hands and knees, putting everything in her mouth. They grow up so fast, don’t they?
Monica Lewinsky plans a big day on her 50th birthday by inviting past White House interns to her party at a trendy mid-town Mahanttan club. By special invitation, Monica has requested each intern show up wearing a stained blue dress from The Gap and to carry a box of cigars for giggles.
Friends say Monica still has that outward swelling bump at the rear of her head, but thankfully, a ponytail hides it from curious onlookers. According to a recent interview by Monica, being 50 has its advantages….”I’m in menopuse now and I can finally stop placing those annoying nicotine patches on my tampons.”
For those too young, or those who wanted to just forget, the second term of President Bill Clinton’s administration was marred by a sex scandal where the charming intern, Miss Lewinski, was lured into servicing President Bill Clinton with oral sex and weird cigar disappearing tricks while secluded in a small office next to the Oval Office. The lurid affair went on for several months before sharp-eyed press members put two and two together. Bill Clinton went on national TV claiming, ‘I did not have sex with that woman, Miss Lewinski,’ but backtracked once it was revealed Lewinski had a stained blue dress with love slobber from the President all over the front as proof and was prerssured to turn it over to the FBI.
Later on Clinton admitted to an ‘inapproriate relationship’ yet denied that a blow job was real sex and discounted the meaning of the word ‘it.’ At one point he inferred it was his ‘Presidential Duty’ to keep a close eye on all 21 year old interns in case they might be spys, or something like a UFO infiltrator.
To this day, Clinton’s wife Hillary has never worn a blue dress, or any dress in public. It has never been revealed if Clinton ever attempted to light those very soggy cigars afterwards.
captain america
Apr 11th, 2011
…I think after the ‘incident’ she took her stiff upper lip to Britain, where
they have a more lenient attitude toward same sex relationships amongst Parliament members…I think it had something to do with all those spankings in those boys schools…Harold Worth knows….
just ax him about serving on board ship and ‘cabin fever’…
‘any port in a storm’ he’ll tell yer!
Bargis
Apr 12th, 2011
Lewinski-Worth? Interesting! Old boy would be hitting that little oval blue pill real hard wouldn’t he!
Jalapenoman
Apr 14th, 2011
With Bill Clinton’s problem with the word “it,” I always wondered if he might be one of The Knights Who Say “Ni.”
Bargis
Apr 18th, 2011
Betcha those cigars really smelled after they were lit!
concerned citizen
Jun 12th, 2011
Bill Clinton set the stage for all men in office to do whatever they wish and not be prosecuted, or lose their jobs!!! How sad this country has become, no morals right from the top. Easy to make fun of Monica, although I don’t condone her actions, but why does Bill come out smelling like a rose???
Bargis
Jun 12th, 2011
Couldn’t agree more! Why anyone would defend this slimeball Weiner is beyond comprehension…
Jalapenoman
Jun 12th, 2011
Concerned Citizen,
Funny, but I thought that it was JFK who set the stage for this. His and his brother’s passing Marilyn Monroe back and forth, his comments to his brother about doing it without getting caught, leaving our allies stranded in Cuba during the Bay of Pigs,…
JFK was a bigger tool than Clinton ever was.
CaptainOblivious
Dec 16th, 2011
@Jalapenoman,
Exactly my thought. And Clinton didn’t get away with his behavior–the “Starr Chamber” basically trashed him and his legacy has become one of a philandering, immoral bastard. At any rate, it’s the ones we never hear anything about and are portrayed as squeaky clean in the rhetoric of the press and political pundits that make me suspicious.
Harold Worth
Jun 12th, 2011
A real lady would never get down on her knees for less than twenty quid. (£20 GBP)
Captain america
Jun 13th, 2011
..When is A. Weiner a Weiner and not a Cigar…
…at least Monica took the Wrapper off and cut the tip before smoking it!
Cha Cha doodle
Sep 9th, 2011
Women are always the blame in this situation. The older more responsible man never has blame! He was the President for god sake hello, focus on that!7 Where was his integrity? Thinking with the correct brain part? Haha!
Dave
Jan 22nd, 2012
Do your math folks…..either a typo or ignorance but lewinski is not turning 50…. 40 maybe but not 50…She was a 21 yo intern in the mid 90′s….
Bargis
Jan 22nd, 2012
OK Dave..Thanks for bringing the error to our attention! So, how’s sis doing these days?
Jalapenoman
Jan 22nd, 2012
Ummmm Dave, you do realize that this is a satire site, right?
You do know that it isn’t a typo or ignorance or stupidity, but comedy, don’t you?