by Bargis Tryhol on 06/05/11 at 1:18 pm
US Navy SEAL Headquarters – (SatireWorld.com)
The leader of SEAL Team 6, Tom K, has given the official version of the brief, but deadly encounter at the once secret location of Osama Bin Laden’s lair. The al Qeada leader was killed before he could grab a weapon, instead throwing his wife into the line of fire before being cut down by a precise double-tap by a expert marksman team member.
“We shot him in the can. You know, his ass. He was turning away to grab a AK47 assault rifle and team member Alpha shot him once in the ass and then again in the head. The first one was just for fun and the second one was for, well, fuckin’ with America.”
SEAL team members arrived at the compound on ultra-secret versions of a Blackhawk helicopter that was stealthy in both radar signature and shifted sound away leaving the enemy to think the aircraft was flying away. Al Qeada forces attempted to persue the Blackhawks, but their flying carpets were wet and wouldn’t fly.
Tom K also said a dog accompanied the raid and was a full team member. The German Shepard was trained to sniff out an al Qeada member from upo to two miles away, eas trained to sniff out explosives. The dog had specially made titanium teeth implanted in its mouth in order to be able to bite through any body armor. All team members were unhurt and returned safely to a secret base in Afghanistan.
Osama Bin Laden’s remains were vacuum sealed in a can and dumped into the ocean. The expiration date stamped on the can read May/2011.