Seven Years Later Michael Jackson Autopsy Results Finally Released To Public

by on 10/05/11 at 6:41 am

Michael spent hours every morning picking out just the right nose to wear. Michael was part-owner of the Mister Potatohead Prostetic Company in nearby Burbank

Los Angeles, CA – (

Dr. Rami Gushinari finally released to the public the official 25 page LA Coroner’s report on Michael Jackson. The ‘King of Pop’ died from a drug overdose and was laid to rest in Woodlawn Cemetery for the Elite and Pompous almost seven years ago.

A portion of the autopsy claims….”Mr. Jackson, age 50, race sorta negro, expired June 25th, 2009 from a physical ailment known as ‘non-descending testicles.’ Upon a sectioned autopsy, we found Mr. Jackson’s nuts wrapped around his vocal cords.”

Family elder Joe Jackson agreed with the results. Lamenting that he once kicked little Michael so hard in his little balls, Michael’s voice from then on always sounded like ‘a little girls.’

Other celebrities have come forth since the untimely death of the superstar and have confirmed the King of Pop’s lack of a full nut sack. “He always wore a jockstrap on the outside of his pants during performances which looked kinda empty,” claimed the late Liz Taylor, an old silver screen hag who’s common sense was only dwarfed by her personal choice in having 47 ex-husbands.

Ex-wife Lisa Marie went as far as explaining intimate details of their short marriage. ‘I never saw his testicles, but I did notice his throat would get two lumps and his tongue would swell and stick out when he was really excited.’

Doctors have explained the cause of Jackson’s falsetto voice style and blamed it squarely on his testicles being non-descended and lodged in his throat.

As dance director Ginger Longress described, “Look, do you really think a man could dance like that with two gonads dangling between his legs?”

The folks over a Silver Screen Memorial Home said they took care of the ‘nut-less’ situation when preparing Michael for the funeral. “We used two golf balls, a Dunlap to be exact, and it filled in the void nicely.”

9 Responses to “Seven Years Later Michael Jackson Autopsy Results Finally Released To Public”

  1. Jalapenoman

    May 10th, 2011

    Did he store his extra face parts in a cavity in his back?

    • tarati tapara

      Sep 24th, 2013

      Extra face a you kidding me right now you’s have no reason to hate
      you’s just read and listen too bullshit

  2. Bargis

    May 10th, 2011

    Kept his face in a jar by the door..Wait! That was Eleanor Rigby

    • tarati tapara

      Sep 24th, 2013

      you should just shut up and leave Michael alone……give me one reason why you judge Michael………….. and it better be good but if it’s not…. just shut the fuck up…………..

  3. tarati tapara

    Sep 24th, 2013

    FUCK you’s all how fuckin said a you’s leave the fuckin man alone and this is all fuckin shit what is wrong with you’s he is an innocent man who don’t deserve this crap you’s should bE a fuckin shame….. we found Mr. Jackson’s nuts wrapped around his vocal cords.” WTF….. and how is that possible you’s make up story’s about him cause you’s got nothing better too do but TALKING SHIT AND MAKING money out of him….. do you’s know what you’s a doing…?fucking destroying this wonderful man and giving him a bad name SO GO TO HELL ALL OF YOU’S ……………………………………… …………………………………….. I HOPE ONE DAY ILL SHUT THIS COMPANY DOWN AND ALL THE COMPANY’S THAT’S DOING THIS TOO MICHAEL …………………………

  4. captain america

    Sep 24th, 2013

    …..Honey Boo Boo approves this message….

  5. Throckmorton P. Turdblossom

    Sep 24th, 2013

    Serial rapist of young boys… nope, I have no reason to hate.

    Spoiled, rich man who squandered his money frivolously had got bailed out by his family and fans… nope, I have no reason to hate.

    Pedophile… nope, I have no reason to hate.

    Born a poor, young black boy but had multiple surgeries to turn himself into a rich, white woman (including removal of his nose, which was eventually held on with scotch tape)… nope, I have no reason to hate.

    Compulsive liar about the conception of his children (their maternal grandfather wrote sworn affidavits stating that he witnessed the test tube fertilization and that Michael was unable to perform with a female)… nope, I have no reason to hate.

    Man who hated being black that he did everything he could not to be, but then was part of a family that ALWAYS plays the race card… nope, I have no reason to hate.

    I think this moron is right! We have no reason to dislike Michael Jackson.

  6. Irina

    Aug 22nd, 2017

    I never heard of anyone being dehumanized as MJ! Those who wrote that crap are most despicable excuses for humans being that ever walk this earth! How low u can go?! Shame on u! U are nothing but pieces of dirt that don’t even deserve to touch MJ shoes! I wish u all that one day u ll feel MJ pain, humiliation , fear, injustice, despair! I wish u ll feel exactly how MJ did! Feel his emotional & physical pain u SOB! I wish one day u , u family will read nasty dirt about u in media or magazines, disecting u by pieces while u alive and after u die slow painful death. I know, God knows & MJ knows that he is innocent, kind, beautiful inside and out, gifted , most successful famous person on earth! He is king of pop! This is what I call real success ! U jelaousy & greed towards him has no limits. I am cursing u all! Justice is coming for u the real one

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