by Mr. Numbnutts on 16/05/11 at 5:28 am
SPOKANE, Wash. – (SatireWorld.com)
Days after an insane killer escaped from a field trip organized by his mental hospital, the union that represents mental hospital patients said it had become concerned about the type of places that are allowed to be visited as approved by the hospital administrators.
Spencer Cable, a spokesman for the Crazy People Union admits that county fairs and square dancing doesn’t appeal to most of the inmates. He added that it’s probably the reason that once at a venue like a fair or a dance, many simply walk away in search of something more appealing.
“We’d like to see something more relevant with today’s typical crazy guy who’s been incarcerated, like visiting a strip club or adult night club…maybe a bowling alley with chicks around!”
Still, police continued to search for 47-year-old Phillip ‘Aman’ Haji, who walked away from the Spokane County Fair during an outing with 30 other Eastern State Hospital patients. Haji was last seen eating a corn dog on a stick at the shooting gallery where a rifle was reported missing about the same time the body of the gallery’s owner was discovered with a corn dog stick through his eye. Police strongly suspect Haji as the killer.
Haji, a past ACORN administrator, was convicted in 2003 of pouring gasoline over a 90 year old great-grandmother, igniting her, and roasting marshmallows over the flames. Afterwards, he was caught by police while trying to drop-kick little Dalmatian puppies over a football goal post in a local school yard while middle school children looked on in terror. Claiming it was in his job description, a two-day trial resulted in his being committed to Eastern State on grounds of insanity.
ACORN officials have downplayed the past event and claim that Haji was a ‘Republican operative out to sabotage the organization.’ A receipt for the marshmallows and gasoline was later found in the ACORN files listed as ‘travel and entertainment expenses.’
Ironically, a large poster of candidate Barack Obama is on display that shows Haji handing the then Senator, a corn dog and drink at a local hog calling contest in neighboring Collis County.
Paul is described as being 5’6” tall, brown hair and eyes, black beard, and probable mustard stains on his prison issue white shirt. When he was caught he was 5’6” tall, had brown hair, a black beard, and mustard stains on his white shirt. Police feel confident they’ve captured their man.