Rep. Anthony Wiener (D-NY) Confesses To Porn Addiction And Schedules Lobotomy

by on 01/06/11 at 5:01 am

Congressman Wiener has always been a bit strange, like the time he put mayonaise and bean sprouts on his kosher hotdog at Coney Island

New Yortk, NY – (SatireWorld.com)

A once respected New York Congressman has finally admitted his addiction to online pornography, putting to rest intense speculation over the late night hours he freely admitted spending, as he put it, 'working on his computer' in order to help a 21 year old woman in California become a better Democrat. “It was exhausting!” Claimed Wiener.

'I merely wanted recreational use away from the tedium of chapter after chapter of hit or miss ideas for the '1001 Ways To Screw America' book I’m penning. You know, mental free time away from reality! I just happened to find that looking at big tits, shaved pussy, and sending photos of my penis to single, white, women was, well, a big relief!'

Little did our esteemed congressman know that his innocent forays into the seamy side of degradation and explotation would involve his libido and change his sexual attitudes forever…Now, he was one of millions hooked on virtual pornography!

'I even had a personal avatar that walked around with a colossal erection! Yes, I chose a Bargis Tryhol look-a-like and added my own face and body to it! I chuckled at first, but soon it got worse! It is so bad that when I hit the keyboard's 'Enter' button, I would have an orgasm!

In a three month span I replaced 12 keyboards all due to the keys being mired in, well, you know! Now, I type using latex gloves so I won't catch an STD, or worse…Writer's cramps!'

Representative Anthony Wiener (D-NY) has volunteered to enter rehab and to confront his almost insatibale need to 'choke the chicken' while lusting over his computer screen’s images and sending enhanced photos of his pathetic penis to young women across America.

Several Internet Cafe's in downtown Manahattan have formed an alliance to help the sexually weakened politician, and have temporarily lifted the ban they placed upon his use of their public computers and internet access. Many fearing a lawsuit, haved taped disk ports shut just in case.

'We understand and forgive Congressman Wiener for his prior bad judgement episodes while using our very public computers. We hope the the word 'enter' and all its 'other meanings' doesn't dissuade him from 'entering' rehab and getting that long overdue lobotomy.'



Leave a Reply